TGIM-The Best of Both Worlds

I love Mondays; I know I am going to receive public censure for actually saying this out loud and in so public a venue, but I so not have it in me to be a SAHM. I have done it, and did well at it, but after my divorce 5 years ago, I was forced back into the workforce and a whole new vista opened up to me. We aren’t talking about getting a job at my local McDonald’s (not that there is anything wrong with that, you understand, and a lot right-I mean, they get benefits!), but a real job. An 8-5, M-F job-which, with four kids, I really need. I need to be home on weekends and in the evenings. Anyway, I digress. I have a job that I actually love, and I really think I would go crazy if I were in a position to stay home with the kids. All but one are in school, which I will be the first to admit makes a difference; if I had three or four younger than kindergarten, I might feel differently. But as it is, with just the toddler at home, I would go fucking nuts.

That said, I will also go on to say that we had a most excellent weekend. My older two were both gone for the weekend-because, of course, they are teens, and ANY house is better than theirs-so it was just the 8 year old and the 2 year old and myself, and it was actually quite lovely. I can’t say that we did anything especially exciting, but it was still a nice change. Quiet, for one thing-relatively speaking, of course, but no older siblings with which to fight, no arguments between the two oldest, just-quiet. Usually, by Sunday night, I am going so crazy that it is a relief to know that I get to go to work on Monday morning, but not so this morning. Instead, even knowing that within a few hours I would be going nuts, it was hard to say goodbye to Owen at daycare, and also hard to let go of that brief moment in time where everything was just right. I get these moments, sometimes days, where everything seems okay, even GOOD, and it is so hard to just enjoy them while they last, take every possible second of joy and peace and love, and make it my own. And when I DO manage to do that, well, everything just feels so much better, brighter.

And the funny thing is, we didn’t do anything special; it was just a normal weekend, filled with normal weekend activities. It was fairly warm and windy, though, so I got to hang clothes outside on the line to dry, and we were also able to do some yard work. Owen has a little wheelbarrow and rake set, so he and Sam “helped’ me rake leaves and clean up the yard, or at least start on it. On Sunday morning, I had a bit of a problem with Steve, Owen’s dad, but even that felt like it will work itself out without my help. I got to make pumpkin bread and some cookies, and even put in a chicken to bake. When Hannah and Eli got home, they were both in good moods, glad to be home, and even (gasp!) willingly went outside and played with the little boys. We all ate in the living room (bad, yeah, whatever) while we watched “Sweeney Todd,” though Sam had to close his eyes a lot of the time. Baths and bedtimes for the two little ones while the two big ones cleaned up the dinner dishes and the kitchen, and then quite suddenly it was time for ME to go to bed.

Still and all, it is always a relief to get back to work. I love my kids beyond all reason, but I am self-aware enough to know that I am a much better mom when I get to go outside the home and be an adult. I might feel differently if I had a husband or partner; I mean, it IS hard to be a single parent, and that in part is why it is so important for me to be someone besides just a mom. I don’t think I would feel differently, though. And the feelings of needing to talk to adults and be “Kori” instead of “mom” are universal to EVERY mother I know, whether she stays at home or NOT (though, okay, insert your own name where mine is, right?). There are days when I am really torn between needing/wanting to be home with my kids and HAVING to go to work in order to provide for them. When O. isn’t feeling well, I have to weigh the options carefully; yes, I know that even if he isn’t ILL, sometimes he needs his mommy, and those are the days when I wish I had the option of staying home with him because he needs me. As it is, my need to provide financially 100% of the time is just as important. When push comes to shove, obviously the kids take first priority, but it isn’t always an easy decision.

So I got everyone off to school and daycare and myself to work, on time, and immediately became immersed in my job. I love what I do, I love the person it has taught me I can become, and I love he fact that at 5:00 tonight, I am going to put down whatever I am working on, leave it on my desk, and go home to be a mom. I really and truly have the best of both worlds.


6 thoughts on “TGIM-The Best of Both Worlds

  1. Hey, we eat in the livingroom every night. And sleep in it, too, lol. Our house isn’t set up to have a separate eating space, and the bedroom is only big enough for the boys. So don’t feel too bad.I know what you mean about those moments when everything just feels right. I have to admit, one of my reasons for not being in a rush to have another baby is the thought of what it will be like in five years, if I have three kids screaming at each other and I’m trying to homeschool, spending all my time with them. Seeing how Andy and Hunter fight, there are days I’m sorely tempted to plan on putting them in school and go to college myself, so I can get a break from them. The teen years are going to be awful with these two. And if I’m lucky enough to afford it, I just might. If I could afford private school, I think I would enroll them. But I can’t count on that. And I’d still like to have another baby, maybe when I’m 30. That will give these guys a chance to grow up, so at least they won’t fight so much with the younger sibling. Hopefully…..

  2. The only reason I’d want to be a SAHM now is because the girls are in school, and I’d have my days to myself 🙂 As you well know, I’m also a TGIM kind of mom. This weekend was nice…and that’s partly because the girls were gone for most of Sat. I love ’em, too, but do not have any concerns that I don’t get plenty of time with them!

  3. I was a single mom [sort of] for 2 years. And I think it was harder in some ways, but easier in others to be that than a married one.

  4. It’s all about being able to use each part of your life as a sanctuary from the other. Looks like you’ve found the perfect balance. It is a great feeling indeed. There are so many times when sitting in my cubicle, knowing that I could actually handle all that was thrown at me, just gave me a feeling of being in control. Something you seldom get as a parent. So I hear ya!

  5. I also love Mondays, and I am a stay @ home mom. Weekends just seem to throw everything out of sync for some reason.That said, I did work full time for four months before I became a SAHM and I really miss it sometimes. I miss the regular adult conversations and the forced routine as a result of getting home at 5pm and having to wake up at 7am the next morning, 5 days a week.

  6. I think that is one of the things I DO like about being a working mom-the routine! I do a lot better, the house is actually a lot cleaner, etc…when I have a set routine for my days. It varies, of course-can’t be too predictable when you have four kids!-but I HAVE to be at work, therefore the moring routine has to be pretty well set, etc…

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