Pimping April here: she is going to be doing this thing called Blog For Educationon June 20th. Go check out her page and tell her you want to be part of it. I think it is a great idea, and would love to see every one of “us” blog about it. I am not going to get into any kind of political discussion about educational funding other than to say George W. sucks ass and I place the decline in our educational system directly at his feet. But I know that something has to change, something has to be done, and since I have no great ideas of my own, I am happy to jump on the bandwagon for this one.
Just a few little random snippets today. As you can see, I now have an AWARD over to the right. April sent it over to me via email quite some time ago, but I didn’t remember until today when I saw her gratuitously handing out the award right and left. To everyone but me. So when I pissed and moaned to her, she set me straight and reminded me that I did, in fact, get the award, from her, and I should just, you know, POST IT ALREADY. Instead of letting it languish in my saved items folder. Which is where it had been gathering virtual dust for several months now. Yeah. I am so together.
And boy, my little mantras haven’t been working well today when it comes to things getting dicey in my head. I have been having trouble with three different blogs not “getting” my comments; I would post, and they would just disappear. So I was somehow sure that all three of these women whom I love to read were getting together behind my back and had decided to blackball me from commenting. You know, because that makes so much sense. Again, April set me straight there, too, by telling me to just email them and let them know. Hm. Novel idea.
So. I have been messing around with my play list today, and I only have a few more songs to add before I get all 100 on there; I don’t HAVE to have that many, but I somehow like the number. I have also been debating about whether or not to update my blog roll; I have seen a few others do it, and when I look at my reader and then the list, I realize that they are not, in fact, the same. Guess I should get going on that. Not because I care, mind you, but I know that somewhere there is ONE OTHER PERSON who is as fucked up as I am and will look at my list and think, “hm, I wonder why I am not on there?”
Fess up. You know it’s true; there are others like me out there.
And last, a huge thank you goes out to BusyDad; apparently I won a Snapfish gift card for commenting on his Mother’s Day post. He emailed me to let me know I won, and I guess he mailed it right after he got the address because I got it yesterday. That is some good service, and I am thrilled to have won. I love Snapfish, too, use them all of the time, so even better.
Before I say anything else, I want to say that I absolutely love this whole “scheduled post” option that Blogger now offers. It completely rocks.
So now. Quite some time ago, April tagged me for a six word meme. Six. Words. I have to tell you, April, that I have not been ignoring you, but six words? Please. When have you ever known me to stop at six words when describing anything, much less myself? So all this time, when you thought I was ignoring you or had forgotten, this little challenge has been floating around in the back of my head, popping up at these very odd moments. I would think I had something just perfect, but then alas, too many words by one, or not enough…I don’t know, panache? Something, I don’t know. But I couldn’t think in terms of six.
Last night, though, after yet one more incident involving panic and insecurity, one of those times where I was just sure that I can never measure up and that this is my life, it hit me. And I let it go, really, thinking “Okay, well, if I still remember it tomorrow, maybe…”
This morning? Yep. Still there. Loud and clear. It describes me right this moment, and it also destined to become my personal mantra when things start getting dicey in my head again.
I have been messing around with figuring out how to embed a playlist on the blog, and as you can see, I now have two; one on the side bar, one at the very bottom. I actually came in to the office on a weekend in order to mess around with them, going through all sorts of songs and picking out which ones just HAVE to be included…and the list keeps growing. I have a specific memory or, perhaps more importantly, feeling associated with every single song on my list, which has been a little bit scary. I know that certain smells can trigger the same feeling, and I know that songs can as well, for everyone; I am not unique in that respect. However, in going through all of this, I have been almost assaulted with memories and feelings, and it is almost sensory overload.
To pinpoint a few: The Pixies. You guys remember them? The one song, “Here Comes Your Man” was on the first album by them that I ever heard. It was given to me by my friend J. (of the horny bear fame, you can see an earlier post if you don’t know the story), handed over in our French class, and I went home and heard this song. Alone in my room, I listened to it, and felt, in that young teenaged naivete, that somehow J. was trying to tell me something. I cringe as I think about it now, but that is how it felt then.
There there is Exile; “I Want to Kiss You All Over.” I lived on the Air Force Academy, second grade, and this song used to come on every single morning on our way to school. It was the first time I ever “got” that it was a slightly naughty song. There is a smell associated with this one, too: little yellow flowers that smell like cinnamon, wafting through the open windows of the car.
Tool: “The Pot” I love the bass. I saw this group in concert in December and I was totally floored. You need a really good stereo system, with a lot of bass, to get the full effect, but just listen. If you are AT ALL a music aficionado, you have to at least appreciate the talent, if not love the music. For me, it is both. At the concert, which was the most awe-inspiring event I have been to, I felt the music in my bones. This song in particular. And then Steve and I went to Taco Bell at midnight, went back to the hotel and ate and had excellent sex. All part of the memory.
I could go through every song on the list and have something to tell you about them, but I won’t do that to you. What I AM going to do is ask you to go through. Pick one song to listen to. Just one, on either list, and then tell me what you think. Each one of them will tell you more about me than any meme would, or ten posts. Come on-it’ll be fun.
One of my new favorite blogs is note to self… and the ever-lovely, terribly knocked up Jillian tagged me for this meme; she titled hers “More Than You Wanted to Know,” but since I clearly have far more inflated (and, I am sure, far less reason to have one) ego than she does, well, you saw the title. I am an enigma, a mystery, a delusional…’nuff said.
What I was Doing Ten Years Ago: Let’s see. 1998. Ten years ago I was still drinking perhaps more than was good for me, so I would imagine that whatever it was, it had something to do with alcohol. I was also married to Husband Number Two, who was using drugs perhaps more than was good for HIM. We worked on a ranch, and I also worked as a Ward Clerk/CNA for the local hospital, plus had a part-time job tending bar. Hannah and Eli were 5 and 4 respectively, just turning into little people instead of toddlers. Hannah started Kindergarten, but Eli started off his educational career by being too smart for pre-school. That was the year I got pregnant after 13 months of trying-Clomid helped out. Ten years ago I will still naive enough to think that if I loved my husband enough, he would get better, still naive enough to believe that life would work out just because I wanted it to, as if sheer will were enough.
Five Snacks I enjoy:
2. BBQ Corn Nuts
3. Peanut M & M’s
4. Mint Three Musketeers
5. Trader Joe’s Triple Ginger Gingersnaps
Five Things on My To Do List Today:
1.Take a shower.
2.Change out of my pajamas.
3.Go buy smokes.
Come on, on a Saturday of a three day weekend? Please!
Five Things I Would Do If I Were a Billionaire:
1.Buy April a house.
2.Buy myself a house.
3.Set up my Jones-McCaffery Foundation for Single Mothers, which would provide help for, you got it, single moms. There would be a lengthy application process, because even though I would WANT to, I wouldn’t be able to help every single one, and I would also have to weed out the freaks. And I would pick maybe ten per year, but each “award” would be different based on that particular individual’s needs.
4.Oh, God, luxury: Buy a freezer and totally fill it with food. TOTALLY. And as part of that, I would throw away-not even donate but flat CHUCK-every single package of Top Ramen and Macaroni and Cheese. Never again.
5.And then I would go buy this picture from Anna over at Borderline Bonkers, or beg her to paint a similar one.
Five Jobs I Have Had:
2. Calf Feeder at a dairy
4. Greens keeper at a golf course
5. Insurance Agent (current).
Five of My Bad Habits:
1. I take everything personally; in a bad mood? Surely must be my fault. Don’t comment on my new shirt? It must be ugly. Don’t call me when you say you are going to? You are a bitch. It’s all about me, in a bad way. 2.Like Jillian, I also bite my nails compulsively. To the quick. I don’t bite the skin, though, just the nails, to the quick.
3. I have recently discovered that I can be very vindictive. Threaten or hurt my kids? You are so busted. I don’t like this new discovery about myself, either.
4.I am capable of hurting people I love with my words. I have never physically abused my kids, but I have yelled to the point of a sore throat. I have also used my tongue as the sharpest weapon imaginable, and almost instantly regret it when I lose control.
5.I throw all my mail on the kitchen table, opened or not, and then get mad because the table is always covered up with papers and shit.
Five places I have lived:
2. Colorado Springs, Colorado
3.Columbia, South Carolina
I am supposed to list five people I would like to get to know better, but I can’t stand the pressure, really. So if you want to play along, please do; I would be honored!