I looked like the above photo when I found out I was pregnant; sad, and scared, but far less cute. I cried. A lot. And tried to figure out how (simple biology aside) this had happened. I was on the pill. I wasn’t in love with this guy, though I thought he was cute and we were friends and I wouldn’t have minded hanging out with him and seeing what might happen. but then THIS happened, and everything changed. Overnight, I went from being the mother of three kids in school, which meant more freedom and more LOTS of things, to puking all day, to arguing with Steve about just whose fault it was.
It took me a long time to become resigned to the addition of a baby to our family. For personal reasons, abortion nor adoption were options, so what was left but to have him, and find a way to be happy? Even so, I went through a really hard time after he was born. I was diagnosed with post-partum depression after I couldn’t stop crying; I would cry all the way to work, then suck it up until time to go pump my milk, and lock myself in the bathroom with the milking machine hooked up and cry again. It was all I could do to get out of bed in the mornings, and everything was just so HARD. Over time, with drugs and therapy and a lot of support, I got better, and I fell in love with him.
Our story-Steve and I’s-is similar to BusyDad’s, without the happy ending. We are not together now, which breaks my heart every day. I loved him then, I love him even more now, but there you go. Sometimes life just turns out that way, right?
Now? It isn’t anybody’s fault. I can love Owen with every particle of my heart, even though I am not supposed to love his dad. And I love this kid. I love his sweet face, and his laugh, and the happiness that he has brought to me and my family. I love all of the lessons being an older parent has taught me, and I love knowing that no matter how hard it is sometimes to be in this alone, this little guy deserves and needs to be here. He has added more to my life than I ever thought possible. He has brought out the good in me in ways that have benefited all of my kids; he has made me a better parent, a kinder person, a more enlightened human being. I am so blessed in him that words don’t EVEN come close, so I will end by saying again, Happy Second Birthday; I am so grateful you are here!