The End of My Rope-Complete with Breaking News

I am at the end of my rope today, I truly am. And I don’t know what to do about it, so what do I do? I blog. Which doesn’t solve anything, it doesn’t CHANGE anything, but somehow it helps to be able to talk about my life with people. To put it all down on paper (so to speak), which helps me mentally process things. It doesn’t always result in a viable solution, it isn’t the answer to any problems, but it does help.

So this is why I am at the end of my rope today. I had my first threatening phone call early this morning, from who I can only assume is CSG. I was, for a change, sleeping deeply and well, and the phone rang at 2:30. I keep the phone right by my head, on the arm of the couch, so it woke me up immediately. The Caller ID said “Private,” but I answered it because Hannah and Eli’s dad’s number also comes up as Private, and I was worried that something might have happened that his dad needed to reach me; we all know that middle-of-the-night phone calls are never a good thing, right?

It wasn’t his dad. Instead, it was man who asked, “Is this Eli’s mom?” Still befuddled and frightened, I said yes-thinking that perhaps something terrible had happened and it was someone from a hospital or police station-and then this man said, “You are going down.” It sounds innocuous here, doesn’t it? But it wasn’t. It isn’t. Instead, it just adds to my already existing terror. Hannah woke up when she heard me asking, “Who IS this?” and when I very vehemently said, “I am reporting this call to the police,” but I lied to her; I said, “Oh, I think it was one of Eli’s friends playing a prank.” I didn’t want her to lay awake the rest of the night and worry-I am perfectly capable of doing that myself, thank you very much. And it is possible that it was one of Eli’s friends-you know, if one of the suddenly had a very dramatic voice change over the summer. I think I would recognize his friends’ voices, though, even taking into account puberty. No, what it felt like is a warning; “yeah, bitch, not only do I know where you live but I know your kids’ names, too.”

I have left a message with the detective, and am waiting for him to call me back; the cynical part of me says (and knows) that I will have to fill out a police report, make a log of any other strange phone calls etc…but basically, there isn’t anything they can really do. So we will still have to wait, to wonder. In the meantime, while we are waiting and wondering, I am too afraid to even let the kids play in the backyard anymore because it is right next to the alley. They have to go out and dump the garbage as a team, and the back part hasn’t been mowed since we got back from vacation because I don’t want ANY of us out there that long, day or night. I am still sleeping on the couch because for some reason, I am too afraid to actually pull the bed out. The kids are finally sleeping in a bedroom-all three who are home right now in one bed-but we have to leave both the hall light and the kitchen light on, and still we don’t feel safe.

I want to move. I want to pack up and find another house, one where the threat might still exist but where at least we would feel safer. This isn’t an option (see my many, many posts about this issue!), but it is what I want to do. If I had my way, I would pack up in the middle of the night and just disappear, which is of course not a reasonable thing to do, either. I just don’t know what to do anymore, and I am just-I am tired. I will update this after the detective calls back to let you know what kind of drivel he comes up with.

****Update: Apparently our detective is off today. They sent some fucking screwball Keystone Cop to my house-despite the fact that I told the dispatcher to please have him come to my office (which, incidentally, is right across the motherfucking street) because I DID NOT WANT MY KIDS TO KNOW. and you know what HE said? I have to call the phone company and try to get the number. Even though THEY are the ones supposedly investigating this, I have to try to call the company. Which I just did, only to be told that due to Privacy issues, they are unable to provide me with a phone number because if it is marked “Private” it is Unlisted and Unpublished at the Customer Request. Which I knew, but since I am apparently supposed to be doing the job of the police department, I had to try it. Then, this fat fucker did not even know ANYTHING about what has been going on. Nothing. So I got mad and said that maybe the department should get it together so that ALL the officers at least have a general idea what is going on, because I am really getting tired of having to go through the whole story with a new officer every time something happens. He said the condescending, “Now, ma’am, you need to calm down, we really need to have some leads before we can DO anything…” and had I been able to, I might have reached over the desk, grabbed his gun and shot him in the head with it. Not only am I pissed, I feel like it doesn’t do any fucking good to even call and report anything anymore.***


17 thoughts on “The End of My Rope-Complete with Breaking News

  1. Oh my goodness. How scary. I don’t know what I would do in this situation I really don’t. I will be praying for you and your families safety. Just a thought do you think it may could be Eli’s Dad?

  2. I’m going to have to go back through your blog and catch up on what’s been happening. It all sounds very scary though–and that phone call would have freaked me out!! I hope you get some resolution on whatever”s been happening soon. Goin back to read…

  3. @kori: No, it isn’t Eli’s dad. And yes, I am SURE. Not only is he 700 miles away, but I would totally recognize his voice. Plus he is more of the passive-aggressive type rather than a stalker type. Plus we have been divorced for over 15 years, so he would have no reason to start stalkking me now. We had wondered if it was Sam’s dad or one of his co-horts, but there isn’t anything to really confrim that.

  4. Is anyone flying back with Eli? That sounded like a threat to him as well. Also, I know it might open a can of worms with the ex to tell him about CSG, but just maybe that might be something to think about. It seems like the threat is really directed at your entire family, not just you, and the more people know about it (who actually care about the kids) the better.One of the ironic things about this, I was looking back through my older posts and realized that all of this started not long after I posted about hating people who insist on feeling threatened by everything. My foot is not only in my mouth, it is jammed down my throat. Weird how life works.

  5. You may have already considered this, but make sure you have alerted the school/s where your kids attend (just for them to be aware.) Now that your child’s name has been brought into it, all bases need to be covered.

  6. WHAT THE HELL!! I’m so angry/scared that this is happening to you! I would definitely let the school know, because they will up their security. We had a entire district-wide lockdown because of a suspicious looking man hanging around outside an elementary school. This is WAY more serious than that.

  7. Second on the school notice. That is a very smart idea.And sadly, you need to let everyone else in on it. This way you’ll have more people watching out for you and your kids.

  8. Kori — I am so sorry about how poorly the dective handled the report today. Jerk.Living in fear sucks big time…so sorry about the situation!Sending prayers your way!!!!

  9. Ridiculous… that is their job! Did you have better luck with the other detective? Maybe contact him when he gets back into the office and see if he can move things along. Police and investigators should be able to get the records as part of an investigation. This is crazy!

  10. I am so sorry…I have found that you have to be persistant with the police…and use words like I feel threatened and scared and I hope I don’t end up dead on your stickin’ watch! That kind of the thing…I would think they could get a search warrant for an unlisted number by someone who threatened you! Again, I am so sorry.

  11. Oh my gosh! I hate this guy so much. I’m so frightened for you AND I want to kick some serious ass–CSG’s and the police officer’s.

  12. What an idiot. Typical government employee. They forget that WE really pay their checks. Come on, it’s the police, not freaking Comcast!

  13. Thanks for the stop at my blog and the comment. I cannot say I have been in your shoes but I can offer sympathy. Being scared is the last thing we want or need.

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