On a lighter note than yesterday, I forgot to mention that Sam had his Pack Meeting for Scouts on Tuesday and finally got his Wolf Badge. He ALSO got a bunch of other patches for segments he has completed, and 6 belt-loop things to put on his Scout belt. Very cool. I also got to go up with him and he got to pin this little Wolf pin thingy on my shirt, because of course if it weren’t for the moms, the Scouts would never get patch one-we all know that! I have my issues and problems with Scouts, and still maintain that they are neither a working or single-mom friendly group, BUT: he looked so beautiful and proud up there getting all his Bling, and I swear it is worth it just to see that look on his face. He is now a Bear-and even though I am dreading all of the activities and the work involved, for his sake I am also quite excited. It has been good for him, and in some ways good for me, and I just like to watch him interact with other little boys his age. I might not fit in with their parents, but he fits in with them, and nothing could make me happier.
Last night, Owen was on a bit of a rampage, just being two and hungry and it has been a long week…so he was just, how do I say it, acting like a jerk. In and out of the kitchen, throwing things and crying and begging for either me or Eli to pick him up. You all know how they get. I can, for the most part, tune it out-dinner HAS to be made, whether Owen wants to be put down or not, but he was driving Eli nuts. Finally, in exasperation, Eli turned to me and said, “Mom, I don’t know how you did it with ONE kids, much less four!” and hefted Owen up onto his hip and walked out. It made me laugh out loud because it was just such an adult thing to hear coming out of his mouth, and it also made me feel a little glow inside. There are times when each of the older ones “get it,” and they have a glimpse at times of why I am sometimes short with them or annoyed or just tired. I don’t expect them to take care of me emotionally or any of that, I don’t expect them to step in and do my job as a parent, but when they can recognize that I can’t be in thirty-seven places at once and help-like Eli did last night with Owen-it helps everyone. As the result of his help with the Baby, I was able to get dinner done in a timely manner, and we all ate together and had a rousing time helping Sam with his homework. Have I ever mentioned that we are all quintessential nerds? Sam was assigned the task of finding as many homophones as he could, and between the four of us (because, you know, Owen was just hollering out random words, being only two), I think our final tally was 67 pairs of homophones; pretty awesome, and we had a great time doing it.
I feel really good today. I think the Weight Watchers thing contributes greatly, as does the fact that I am finally, FINALLY, getting over the bronchitis. Whatever it is, the last two mornings I have woken up feeling fairly rested and with this vaguely remembered thing called energy-wow. I had forgotten what that felt like! I have been doing some other things in addition to the Weight Watchers in an effort to take better care of myself; I have been making the time to soak in a tub every night, even if for only 10 minutes, because I read somewhere that it helps the body relax and sleep better-and it seems to work. I might have to stay up a little longer (because God knows that having the door open and close thirty bazillion times by the kids is not relaxing!), but when I sleep better it doesn’t seem to matter. I have been walking just a little further and a little faster each day, which also helps immensely.
And emotionally, I feel pretty good today, too. It isn’t that anything has changed or is different, at least outwardly. Instead, it is a feeling that I am right where I need to be, and I am working really hard on accepting things as they are right this minute instead of 1. trying to project, 2. worrying about the what-ifs, and 3. trying to take over the reins. This is, as any regular reader knows by now, a constant issue in my life. No, issue isn’t even the right word, but it IS something that I have to work toward. It is so easy for me to take on the world’s problems, try to fix everyone and help everyone, and as a woman in recovery, it is my job (so to speak) to live the way my God would like me to, take care of myself and my spiritual health, and simply do what is in front of me. When I neglect those things, I go nuts.
So it is a good day. I enjoyed my early morning jaunt to the school again, and really, really enjoyed my walk to get the mail this morning. I am glad to be here today, on this earth, living and breathing. I am also really, really enjoying the feeling of anticipation that comes from the fact that our election is in less than a week. I cannot WAIT for the weekend when I can begin calling the people on my list to remind them to VOTE. I can barely contain myself from going over to my voting precinct right this second and camping out until Tuesday. And while you all know that I am totally in love with and voting for Obama, you don’t have to agree with me (even though I am right) just get off your ass and cast a vote. This is a pivotal moment in our history, and I will personally be disgusted if any one of you don’t vote.