A Petition (of sorts) to the Universe

Dear God/Universe/Goddess/Higher Power/Whoever it is that is up there,

Enough already, okay? It has been a really, really hard year, and I need a break. I know that you don’t cause bad things to happen, but instead give us the tools we need to get through them, but I tell you, my tools? Either you sent me faulty ones or I am not using them properly because those fuckers are B.R.O.K.E. I got nothing left;I don’t. And if I am being honest (which I know you will know if I am not) I can’t help but be just the tiniest bit pissed at you right now. So be it.

I just need a little bit of a break, so I am just going to flat out ask you for what I need and trust that you are going to help with some of it.

1. I need to have a lot more strength than I currently have in order to be able to handle the coming weeks and months with regards to the situation with Hannah. I know (and thank you, by the way) that you will provide everything I need in order to make sure Hannah and the other kids are okay, but I worry about the toll it is already taking on me. I feel overhwelmed and crazy and I can’t sleep at night, and I just feel afraid. I need for you to make sure that justice is well and truly served; I read in the paper this morning that a grown man who RAPED his girlfriend’s 10 year old daughter (and impregnanted her) was sentenced to only 5 years. Five.fucking.years. And I worry that The Guy in our case will get off. Please, dude, just take care of this for me, will you? Take care of it so that Hannah will feel vindicated and strong, and so that he can’t get his fat, grubby paws on some other little girl. Please.

2. I need you to give me the balls to tell Janet that I really don’t WANT to go to Thanksgiving with them tomorrow. You know that Steve wants us there for family pictures tomorrow, and you also know that it is signifigant that he wants us there. I know that I am a firm believer in making plans and sticking to them, so I am obligated to follow through and go with R. and J., but I don’t want to. I want to be with ALL of my kids, and with Steve, and I WANT to take family pictures with them. It IS a big thing, but I am such a people pleaser that I just can’t tell Janet no. So if you could help me with that, too, I would be grateful.

3. Dude; the money thing? It is getting more than a little tiresome. How the fuck is $6.33 suppoed to last until Monday? I could totally get it if I were irresponsible and blowing money from hell to breakfast, but really, responsible is about all Iam good at any more. Could you just-well. Ican’t tell you what to do, but there is a certain individual out there called CASEY LIN JONES who is, oh, a whole lot of money behind on child support, so if you could maybe nudge him to cough some of it up, that would help a lot. I am not asking for the lottery; all I am asking for is what I am owed. The constant worry and struggle about money is even worse now knowing that Christmas is coming up, and that I am all out of sick and vacation time and am going to have to be taking time off to get through this whole thing with Hannah. So-help? Please?

4. I am not having any luck finding a home to rent, and I need some help with that, too. We need a four bedroom where we will be able to keep the dogs. Now, I know that I should maybe be a little more flixible about the dogs, but ever since the whole CSG summer (and yeah, thanks a lot for THAT, too!), we feel safe with them and they are such a part of our family now that getting rid of them is only a last ditch option.

5. I am struggling with feeling very much cut adrift right now, and I need to feel cherished and special for a little while. I know how selfsih that sounds, and I guess it IS selfish; as long as the kids feel that way, I should just be grateful, and I am. But I need to feel a little of that, too, so….

So, Big Guy, this is the basics, and if you could help me out with any and all of htese things, Iwould be really, really grateful to you. It has been hard, and I know it will continue to BE hard because life throws shit sometimes, but I just need to get through.



16 thoughts on “A Petition (of sorts) to the Universe

  1. Kori,I will be sending the same energies out in to the Universe for you also; I do SO SO hope that She comes through for you. I really hope you find the strength to tell J you want to go be with your family tomorrow…Especially right now, you deserve to do what your heart wants and ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW you shouldn’t have to worry about doing something to please someone else when it isn’t truly what you want to do.

  2. You really should just call Janet up and say, “Look, I really do appreciate your offer but I just can’t right now. Please understand.” I bet she will. You have to do what is best for you, ESPECIALLY right now when you are dealing with all this crap. If there was ever a time when you need to put yourself above outsiders, it is now. Hugs, hugs, and triple hugs. And please know that no matter what happens with the courts, if there is one thing I am certain of in this world it is that bad kharma (or anything else you want to call it) pays off. You reap what you sow, even if it doesn’t look like it. So the scumbag who hurt Hannah will get his come-uppins, even if the courts drop the ball. But I still hope for your sake and hers that you get the satisfaction of seeing him locked away. The Fates can be fickle; but Destiny always evens the score.

  3. I believe in YOU. In your ability to get through this, and not only that, but to see Hannah THRIVE through this because of you. You know that there are moms out there that would not have fought for their daughters as you are. You know that some would rather have called their kid a liar so that they could get the groceries. I think you have more strength than you know. I love you.

  4. I’ll sign this petition too. You really need a break and a chance to regroup in comfort and peace. I pray for that for you and your family.Please just tell Janet you need to be with your kids over the holidays. This is about you and your kids.

  5. Hey Kori, I got this idea from a reader on another single mom blog (baggageandbug.com)… Can you put up a wish list or a paypal donation button so your loving readers could send some holiday cheer your way? I know you’ve said before that you don’t like to take money from people, but like you said in your letter, you could totally use a break right now and I’m sure I’m not the only one that wants to help you provide gifts for the kids. Maybe instead of a paypal button, you could just email a paypal link to people who want to help out? or just email me your address so I can mail something? Seriously, I’m not wealthy, and I’m not saying I’ll be your sugar mama (lol), but I also don’t have four kids to provide for! Maybe I could just send a gift card to WalMart or Target (or wherever). Whaddya say? Hit me up at jlkmustang@hotmail.com. Don’t think of it as charity, think of it as paying it forward. I’m blessed and I want to share my blessings with you! 🙂 Love ya!

  6. Whenever you want to star on the J’Ollie blog any time between now and Christmas I’d LOVE it! Last year was absolutely insane prior to the holidays ~ we are a small family business and if it’s anything like last year I’ll be delirious!PLEASE email me your email address at linda@jollieprimitives.com. I have a question I’d like to ask in a more private setting than in Comments.Prayers are going your way. Your strength is your salvation.

  7. Hi…please send me your address or if you feel more comfortable your work address. I would very much like to help…I am not wealthy but I am blessed! It’s my pay it forward. I am just sorry it has been so hard on you…let some of us carry you for a little bit!:)

  8. I agree with FreedonFirst. If Janet is your friend, she’ll understand why you need to do what you need to do. I’m sorry about everything you’re dealing with right now. It’s not fair. I understand the money stuff – today we had to empty out our 401(k) so we can pay rent next month. It didn’t have much in it, but it was the only savings we had, and now we’ve lost 30% of it because we had to do an early withdrawal.Lots of BIG HUGS and LOVE to you and your family.

  9. Prayers sent on your behalf!!! That is a whole lot of stress… I do hope your Thanksgiving is terrific, and don’t stress out over making everybody happy…But, since you offered, I would love your help with a guest post! My posting schedule for December and the first week or two of January is wide open, so I don’t have a specific deadline. However, my internet access will be rather spotty after next week, so the sooner you can email your post to me, the better. If you have photos to go with the post, you can either email them, or even better, send me a link to where they are uploaded on a public spot so I don’t have to download and upload them. And if you’d like to send me a couple of sentences you’d like to me to use to introduce you and your blog, feel free to do that, too! Thanks so much! Jane

  10. Oh my goodness, you are having a tough time. Prayers for Hannah. (I am just catching up on some reading). I hope this guy gets what he has coming to him. I am glad that you are getting counseling for your brave daughter, even if it is taking them too long to get her in. I love that she knows that you believe her. You are a great mom!

  11. Hi Kori,I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through right now, and I am so sorry that your family is having to deal with this. I don’t know this Janet woman from Eve, but I hope you found a way to tell her that you just needed to take care of you and yours in your own way and that she understood. It sounds like you have a battle ahead of you, and it’s hard to find strength for battle when you are worried about a roof over your head and where the next meal is coming from. Julie’s suggestion sounds like a good one! You’ve put out your petition to the universe, and if the answer comes in the form of a paypal account or WalMart gift cards, so be it! I’d be happy to contribute as well. Hang in there. As my step-mother is fond of saying, there must be a pony somewhere in this pile of shit!

  12. Seriously, Kori, with four kids, my hat’s off to you every day. I like Julie’s suggestion. Lots of people have site buttons. . .and far fewer responsibilities and crises to deal with than you. Put one in. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I wonder what you decided to do. Hang in there. It’ll get better.

  13. I’ve been asking the Big Fish to send you hope and strength and peace and love and all that good hippie stuff too.P.S. I also pray for #1 too, because I’m deeply afraid that the courts will hand rooferman a birthday cake that says “greatest dad in the world”…or so to speak. I feel your fear and need for justice.I’m still thinking about you.

  14. Hi Kori,I truly hope things get better for you, Hannah, and the rest of your family. I appreciate the emotional honesty you show in your posts.

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