Getting Nailed is NOT as Fun As I Thought

I think I just bent over and got nailed up the ass by the universe, I really do. With no foreplay, either. Although perhaps the awful things that have occurred in our lives the past year were, in fact, some sort of extended foreplay designed to get me prepared for the ultimate in ass fucking? I don’t know; all I know is that it hurts.

The hits keep coming, folks. I am sure some of you remember when the whole wage garnishment thing came about, and I had to deal with 25% of my check being garnished to pay one of the ex’s many creditors, right? And you remember that I have a friend who was willing and able to help me out on a monthly basis until it was paid off in order to keep my bills paid? Well, due to shitty circumstances in her own life, she cannot do that anymore; I understand completely, of course, and I hate that SHE feels so terrible about it, but it was a blow for me (and yes, she knows that, I am not telling tales out of school here). And now I don’t know what to do. I talked before about Christmas and now I’m all like, well to hell with that, I have to worry about paying my bills.

****There are those who have helped out, and I want to say thank you, but I can’t use it for Christmas now. Which I know was the intention. So I need for all of you to email me because I don’t have all of your email addresses and I feel like shit for not using it as it was intended, and owe you apologies.*****

So what I need now from you all are suggestions. I am back to having to do the second job thing, and I need some ideas. Babysitting someone else’s kids in my home is NOT an option; neither is housecleaning (I don’t even clean my own fucking house) nor a paper route. So if you guys can keep your minds open for me and send some ideas my way, I would appreciate it. Keep in mind that I have neither computer nor Internet at home (though my dad may be working on a PC for me), also. I had thought about some kind of writing gig, but then I remembered that I have no contacts, no network there, and that most of the time, you are thrilled to be “published,” and payment is rarely an option. So I kicked that one out the door ASAP. Anyway, please let me know if you have some thoughts on that.

I am not sure how the housing thing is going to work out, either. I am afraid that I may have to give up my place on the list, which fucking sucks. And no, this isn’t the emotions talking, this is something I have been thinking about from every angle there is and this is the one that makes sense. With all of this other stuff going on, the newly-urgent money situation and the ton of extra time I am already taking off of work to deal with the stuff going on with Hannah, as well as additional expenses associated with that, there is just no way I can afford even a slight increase in rent and utilities. Another dream, gone.

I haven’t talked to the kids about this yet, about the whole Christmas thing or the housing thing or the second job thing. I am going to talk with Steve tonight about taking Owen for Christmas because even though we have always all spent it together, Steve has already gotten Owen a ton of stuff and I am so NOT going to make the older kids watch him open stuff while all they have are their stockings filled with, you know, stocking stuffer shit.

I spent a long time on the phone last night with April, and that was lovely and just what I needed. I felt strong last night, but this morning, I realize that what I really am is just done. So many times in my life I have prided myself on having the ability to pick myself up off the ground, brush off the dust, and keep moving. However, I am not sure I can do that this time. It has been too much, this whole long year, and I think maybe it is time to just accept that this is what life really is about. It isn’t going to get any better; instead, it is a pile of shit with some really, really beautiful moments thrown in, and maybe it is time I accepted that those moments are really all there is. I don’t mean that in the sense that I am going to whack myself because life is shit (besides, April has told me quite simply that I cannot leave HER alone, so there you go!), but in the sense that-well. Just that life is shit, and I have to take those moments because that’s all I get.

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14 thoughts on “Getting Nailed is NOT as Fun As I Thought

  1. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.I’ve had my fair share of crappy things happen this year and I get it. I really do.But I’m not ready to give in to the “life is shit” mentality. Not just yet anyway.

  2. If I could give you a leg to stand on, you know I would amputate myself right now!I think you should email this post to that show where they build the family a house. Maybe I’ll call Oprah too.

  3. I wish I knew what to say or do to make your world better. I’m just throwing this out there…But, have you ever waitressed? My SIL is waitressing at a classy restaurant and is bringing in $200 in tips alone for a 4 hour shift. With the holidays coming the tips are fantastic.

  4. I wish that I had words that could somehow soothe over the miles. I wish I had a job for you that would start today and pay tomorrow and of course I wish I had a magick wand that worked. I do feel this pain, DH and I were both broke last year and for a period of time both of us were out of work. I started my own organizing business, not cleaning, organizing, “the Art of Organization” it helped me with my OCD and it paid the bills iwth some local small businesses needing help with files, computers, etc…I don’t know what else to offer, but my love and bloggy friendship…G~*

  5. SUCK!!Starbucks is a pretty sweet gig. They allow you free drinks on your shift and a free pound of coffee every week not to mention tips and benefits.The only other thing I can think is those product consultant jobs where you do things on your own schedule – Mary Kay, Avon, Tupperware, Pampered Chef, PartyLite. BUT you have to know people who have money to buy that stuff… My friend is a PartyLite consultant and I know for a fact that you don’t have to pay out of pocket for your “starter kit”, which I think you have to do for other businesses like that. Just throwing it out there…No need to apologize for how you used the money. Like I said in my email, my original intent was for Christmas, but SURVIVING is far more important than gifts. Do what you need to do, hon. You are in my prayers. Happy Birthday wishes to Hannah!

  6. Oh Kori my heart just aches for you. Do you know that you give me strength? Reading your posts helps me to know that everything is going to be ok. I admire your strength and will and your just plain awesomeness. I know you don’t have a computer at home, but you can sign up on Associated Content and write articles about anything and everything for cash if you get the chance to use the internet. I had the Avon/Mary Kay idea too.

  7. I feel so badly for you. I really wish I could do more than just offer moral support, but sadly, I cannot.The Starbucks is a good idea. I’ll try to think of others.

  8. sorry no clue on the money ideas but if you need anything…let me know and I will send it too you. I would agree with the starbucks too. I wish I lived close enough to help you and sending many hugs your way.

  9. If you’re the same kind of sales rep that I am, you can ignore this whole comment. But if you think you could sell birthday animal stuffing parties to other kids’ parents, Noah’s Ark Workshop is running a promotion where you can sign up for just $10 and become a rep without buying the kit. I just signed up because they don’t have any minimum monthly sales requirements, so it doesn’t matter if I stink at selling stuff. The animals are adorable. You can check out their website at http://www.noahsarkworkshop.com

  10. Kori, you have a great command of the English language. Have you tried editing, copy editing or proof-reading? You can do this at home. Contact the local publishers in your area (or even out of the area) and mention that you are interested. You do need an eye for detail, but if it’s words, I’m sure you could make it work. Waitressing weekends could be good too. You gotta get the right place, though. I’ve been there. . .these moments suck big-time.

  11. I am so very sorry this is happening to you. My daughter made a butt load of money over the summer waiting tables. She’d bring home a couple $100 a night. Short term it could be something to think about.

  12. Oh Kori, I’m so, so sorry. Your post has me crying a little – we can’t afford Christmas this year either, but our son is only 2 1/2 years old and he won’t know the difference. I wish there was something I could do to help you right now. If I had anything extra, I totally would. I have to echo Mnemosyne here, my heart is aching for you. I know we’ve never met, but I feel such compassion for you and your family. (BIG HUGS)

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