Random Friday

All afternoon I have been sort of snacking on these jelly beans I brought to work this morning, not stopping to think that I should have brought just a small portion. I think I ate about half a pound of jelly beans, and now my stomach is queasy and I feel heavy and dull. I am not used to eating that much sugar, for one thing, and I wasn’t feeling well yesterday, either. I just went out for a walk during break and it felt like I was carrying an extra 10 pounds with me. The worst thing about it? I will probably do it AGAIN. I am a slow learner that way.

Eli had a Language Fair thing today and I had to have him at the school at 6:45 this morning. Since we now live in a different town, I just came to work after dropping the little boys off at the daycare. I asked him last night if he didn’t have even one friend going, one whose house he could stay at so I wouldn’t have to get up at 5:00, but the only one he has is the boy whose parents lost the house and are in the midst of a terrible separation. Not the place I think he should be hanging out right now. So I told him he needs to make more friends in the French Club because this getting up at the butt crack of dawn just isn’t working for me. He looked at me with this kind of stunned look, then said, out of the blue, “I have hair on my stomach now.” Where in the hell did THAT come from? And believe me, I did not need to know that. I already know that we go through a LOT of conditioner and he spends too much time in the bathroom-I really didn’t need to know about the hair on the stomach. Gag.

It doesn’t appear that I will be going out for coffee with the other guy, at least at the moment. Steve and I had a bit of a talk on Wednesday, and while there were no bended-knee-declarations-of-undying-love, we established that neither of us wants to date other people. He is staying at the house with me tomorrow night, too. I am not taking this to mean we are on the road to marriage, heavens no, and I don’t think I even WANT that anymore, but at least we got the air cleared a little. Now, my tendency is to second-guess, read things into a situation that aren’t there (usually in the negative sense), assume, you name it, so even now it is hard for me to take this at face value. I am aware that it could all change again tomorrow, so am trying really hard to just enjoy this for the moment and see what happens. I don’t know, I don’t even really know WHAT I want anymore, in most ways. Pretty fucked up, huh? One more thing to work on. Wouldn’t you think that at MY age, I would KNOW? I think I have so resigned myself to Steve (or anyone) NOT being present in a meaningful way that I really don’t know WHAT to think.

The post I wrote a little while ago on the Rocky Mountain Moms Blog has been picked for syndication, which is pretty damn cool. If any of you run across it in your newspaper, please buy a copy of it for me, okay?

Otherwise, I got nothing today. I have noticed that the BlogWorld seems awfully quiet lately, which is a little strange, but then I feel quiet inside, too, so many it is the February slumps for all of us. I just know that if I get in the habit if NOT posting, it gets pretty hard to start up again. Do you all have the problem as well?

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14 thoughts on “Random Friday

  1. I think there’s a law against getting up at 5am…….if not, there ought to be.And here’s to staying in the moment. Props to you.

  2. good for being in the moment with steve. Busy playing with the girls and laundry..taking care of the house and reading books. I’ve been getting up lately at 530 am…so totally relate.Congrats about the article. Yeah

  3. You are right it is hard to get back into the swing of things. Congrats on getting syndicated and you are so right about waking up at 5 am. Hope you have a good weekend and glad you could clarify some things with Steve.

  4. I posted THREE times this week. That is a record, I think. Especially for February . . . which I think is a quiet month. Bloggers are hibernating . . . Congrats for being picked up in syndication! That is awesome. And, good for you for having “the talk.” While you may second guess yourself, the key is speaking your ind, being true to you and what you want . . . need. “Hair on my stomach” . . . oh, boy. Er, should I say OH MAN???

  5. It sounds like things are improving for Eli. That he’s getting up at o’dark thirty to participate in French Club is great. Well, great for him, not for you. And the hair on his stomach? Um, yeah, don’t know what to say about that. Just whatever you do, please keep him away from the Axe Body Spray!I’m glad that you and Steve have come to an understandig — even if “it could all change tomorrow.” I hope you are feeling a little bit more in control of things. So many things have been out of your control lately. But maybe this is the beginning of some “normalcy”. I hope.

  6. Yeah for the syndication! That is completely awesome! You are on your way…And my bugaboo? Is sour patch kids. Be gone little little nuggets of corn syrup!

  7. Lol about Eli’s hair. Good luck.I must admit, I almost never read a newspaper. But if I should happen to randomly see your article, I’ll snag it.

  8. I don’t think we’re ever old enough to know what we really want, or even what is right for us for that matter. We humans are a flawed bunch.Except for right now, when I KNOW I really want some jelly beans.

  9. It’s so strange you said that about how quiet the blogging world has become… I was just thinking the same thing. I know I have been. I just have absolutely nothing to say that anyone will want to hear.

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