Why It's a Good Day

These are all reasons why today is a good day. I went out for my break this afternoon and ran into my friend P., the mother of my friend M. who died last month. It is the first time I have seen her since just two days after the services; she is a huge reminder of all that I DO have. And this woman-wow. All I can say is that she is amazing and inspirational and a wonderful example of a woman in recovery. She is so open about pain and hurt, and equally open about healing, and that is something I want to be more like. She didn’t know yet that we had moved, and it is almost eerie. She lives two streets over is all from the new place, AND goes walking nearly every evening past.my.house. Is that odd or what? So with hope she will stop by and I can walk with her, make her tea, just BE there in some kind of way for her.

But yeah, I am pretty blessed. I feel a lot better about the whole birthday thing, mainly because there isn’t anything I can DO about it. Steve and I talked last night about how he hurt my feelings; he did it AGAIN when he said, “So are you and Jacquie doing anything on your birthday?” so instead of stewing and second guessing and crying myself to sleep (and also instead of simply telling him to fuck off), I told him that my feelings were hurt, and that I have enough pain in relation to birthdays without him making it worse. Typically (he is a guy, right?) he was pissed and also confused, because he didn’t get it. I think he does now; he told me that he had already told his boss (who also happens to be his brothers, as he recently changed jobs) that he needed to leave early tomorrow night since it is my birthday and was apparently planning something. We talked about how he sounded and what that meant to me (“tag a-fucking-long?”), and basically cleared the air. So yeah, that helped. Knowing that I can either stew in this resentment and make myself crazier OR just accept that this is how it is with my mom, how it is always going to be helps. Knowing that I will also get to see my grandma and my sister, whom I love, helps. Knowing that we will get to eat Chinese food NOT on my dime helps. So I am in a much better place today.

Of course, the biggest part of what helps is the fact that Mother’s Day is coming up. Mother’s Day Misery and Depression totally trumps Woman Who Still Craves Her Mother’s Love Birthday Depression. So why in the hell am I getting all worked up about a birthday when the REAL crappy holiday for single moms is coming up? I need to save my angst and depression for the really big things. And a real special thanks goes out to April for reminding me of the upcoming day. The favor will be returned, when she is least expecting it.

17 thoughts on “Why It's a Good Day

  1. πŸ™‚ We’re totally even now, aren’t we?!? Whatever you’re feeling whenever you’re feeling it (sad, angry, grateful, happy) is okay by me. I unconditionally love you.

  2. I’m gonna look past the comment about guys not getting it and just go with “Hey! The only thing better than Chinese food is FREE Chinese food! :)Glad you’re doing better.

  3. I am so thinking of you and your birthday. I don’t want to appear unfeeling…but…if I hear anyone talk about Mother’s Day issues I will puke. Be glad it’s Mother’s day. Be glad your children are here, able to spend the day with you. As for me, I have to go into a box and find the cards from my dead daughter and remember what Mother’s day used to feel like…I fucking hate Mother’s day. No one acknowledges it with me. Olivia used to. But I think it’s better to focus on tomorrow. Tomorrow is a BIG day! Tomorrow is your birthday, yours alone (well, kinda sorta). That’s why I love birthdays-they’re indivualized. Hope yours is decent. Enjoy the chinese food!!

  4. Yeah, with guys, it’s the deed rather than the thought or motivation behind it that matters more. I guess in practical application, it can be construed as “not getting it.” I’ll give you that.Given that, I would like to say “Happy upcoming Birthday, Kori!” because I totally wanted to and nobody told me to and this was a total spontaneous gesture based on feelings of friendship. πŸ˜€

  5. Yes FREE chinese is always good – if it’s good that its. ;)I hope you have a great time and am glad you are feeling a little more up.

  6. I completely understand everything you said and I am glad you spoke to Steve. Men just can’t read minds. I don’t know why. We can read theirs, right?

  7. Oh those are wonderful, beautiful, amazing reasons for it to be a good day, Kori!Good on you for speaking up and telling Steve exactly how you felt about the other day! Seriously, like you said, even after you explained, he STILL just didn’t really get it…sometimes those men just REALLY REALLY need us to hold their hands and guide them in the proper direction. Unfortunate as that is. Even after 20,000 some odd years of evolutionary progress, they sometimes still just.don’t.get.us.So glad you are feeling better about the day. Enjoy the chinese! Happy day :0)(hmmm…..chineeeeeese….Now *I* want chinese….Okay, I *guess* maybe I can see how the 13# happened…it’s all my blogger friends’ fault!!! ;0) )

  8. I’m glad you are having a better day. Mmmm chinese food…yum! I hope you have a wonderful birthday. Your children are just adorable, I love when you post pictures of them!!

  9. Happy Birthday! I hope you are able to enjoy that Chinese food and hope you have a great day under the circumstances. I’m also glad you feel better about it.

  10. Mother’s Day Misery and Depression totally trumps Woman Who Still Craves Her Mother’s Love Birthday Depression.ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. I love the photos. And I hope you found a good fortune in your fortune cookie.I’m glad you talked with Steve. However, I don’t know if that means he’s going to remember it for the next time. Oh well, it’s a start.The fact that you are a good mom and have a good Mother’s Day with the kids means that when they are older, Mother’s Day won’t be laden with the issues you are dealing with right now.

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