I was rudely awakened this morning-before the alarm even went off-by the sounds of big trucks doing whatever it is they are doing to the road in order to begin to resurface it later today. Why in God’s name they need to rev up their trucks at five thirty in the morning is beyond me. Yesterday they did the same thing, because they were supposed to have the road re-surfaced by 5:00 last night (we got a flyer on the door telling us to please make sure our vehicles were off the road between 8 and 5). Of course, it wasn’t done; there is a strip on either side of the road which has been finished, but the middle of it hasn’t been. According to the kids, the most activity there was yesterday occurred when one of the men stepped in the fresh tar and lost his shoe, then had to procure another pair of shoes because the tar melted the sole off of the one he lost? Needless to say, they are back again, and with hope they will be done and gone by time we get home tonight.
There are a lot of transitions in my life right now, and I am having a hard time processing all of them and figuring out just what shape my life is going to take. With the legal stuff with CF coming, finally, to a close of sorts (or at least knowing that we are the beginning of the end of it), I am feeling a little at loose ends. It is a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but I have been living on adrenaline so long, taking care of X, Y and Z, that is almost feels strange to have the lack of stress about it. Now, if I were drinking, this would be a perfect time to try to create some more drama, stir up the pot a little to keep that adrenaline high going; anything to keep from having to FEEL anything. I don’t want to do that, and because I have been sober for awhile now I know I don’t NEED to do that, but the lack of high emotions is as yet a little unsettling.
Still, I think it interesting how The Big Guy has “arranged” circumstances to give us relief from this one really BIG stressor on order to give us room to adjust to positive changes, but changes that are still hard. Steve moved the last of his things out of his old house yesterday, which makes it final that he is here. For a thousand and one reasons, this is huge, and while I can’t and don’t want to go into all of it right this minute, suffice it to say that it is a major transition. In addition, the two bigger boys are getting ready to go spend two weeks at my dad’s, and Hannah is in summer school, and there are some things going on at work…basically, life just keeps happening, and sometimes I dont’ know how to handle all of the newness that it brings forth. I am a creature of habit, I don’t like change, and most of the time I am forced to change whether I want to or not.
So. My postings will have more form and content soon, I hope, and in the meantime I am just feeling quite glad inside to be sitting where I am, drinking coffee and watching the sunlight stream in through the windows. Life can be as sweet as we make it, I think, and I want it to be sweet.