Some Scraps

honest-scrap-award

April gave me this award thingy a few posts back, and even though I have already “done” this one, I liked it so well that I thought I would do it again.  I mean, who wouldn’t want the chance to list 10 honest things about themselves, right?  So the deal is I write my ten things, and tag some other number of people.  The ten things, sure; THAT I can do.  As for the tagging?  Take it if you want it; there are days when fodder is hard to come by, and this does tend to generate fodder.

1.  I have been deleting 90% of the posts in my reader lately because they all talk about BlogHer.  I am so glad that people get to go, I think it would be amazing and a wonderful opportunity to get the hell away from the kids meet some really kick-ass people and to experience in real life the connection that so many of us feel online…but really, if you aren’t going, it isn’t all that interesting to read about what you are wearing and how much booze you plan to consume and where you are staying.  THERE.  I said it.  That said, ladies, go and have fun; go let your hair down and have the best time ever, and I will be happy to read about it when you get home.

2.  It made my heart hurt when we were sitting up at the top on the mountainside on Friday, looking down at all this land that has been taken over by people.  Who, exactly, got to decide, “I OWN this!” and then parceled it off to the highest bidder?

3. I have a daughter who is lost inside, unable AND unwilling to find her way.  She doesn’t want help, she refuses to take the considerable help that is being made available, and we are running out of options.  She failed one of her summer school classes and may have no choice but to go to the alternative high school next year.  I try to talk to her and guide her and that doesn’t work. Therapy doesn’t seem to be working.  I yell at her and be firm with her and THAT doesn’t work.  I feel helpless and powerless to stop the downward spiral she is on.  And it makes me feel like an absolute and utter failure as a parent.

4.  I have had some run-ins with one particular blogger, based on her intense dislike of me and everything I stand for.  Still, I have been reading her blog anyway, because I am concerned and care deeply about her well-being.  So a couple of weeks ago I went in to her blog and she had cleverly redirected my IP address to some fairly nasty site called FuckOff.com.  And I should have been offended and, frankly, a little bit creeped out, but mostly I thought it was funny.  And then I was thinking that if she has the knowledge to enable her to do something like this, surely she should be able to find a fucking job.

5. In case #4 didn’t tip you off, I can be just as petty and passive aggressive as the next person.  I have to work really, really hard to overcome that particular character defect.  And sometimes I just stop trying because there are only so many times you can bend over and get fucked up the ass by a “friend” before they aren’t a friend anymore.

6. The lovely yellow lab we got last summer, Harley, is not doing so well.  She has been old and arthritic since we got her, and I knew going in that she wasn’t going to be around forever, but she is dwindling.  Her right knee joint is so swollen right now that she can’t even get up and down the stairs to go potty without help, and she has a rear elbow that flares up as well.  It makes me so sad to see her, and I wonder if it might be time to start **thinking** about putting her down.  She doesn’t seem to be in much pain, still remains as slavishly devoted as ever, adores me unequivocably, but still: am I being fair to her because I am selfish?  Because I adore her equally?  This is a hard one for me, because as cold and heartless as I can be about some things, well, this one hurts.

7. I think we as a nation take the whole “health” thing a bit too far.  When I was in the grocery store the other night, I saw some frozen vegetables labeled, “Immunity Blend” and all I could think was, “Are you fucking KIDDING me?”  Please.  Eat right, take a vitamin, stop wasting your money on shit like this.

8. I already have planned out the songs I want at my funeral, and how I want to be, um, taken care of when I kick the bucket.  No embalming, do NOT put me in a really nice dress and slap makeup on me-I am going to be roasted anyway, so grab jeans and a sweatshirt and some 100% cotton socks and I will die happy.  Well-if I weren’t already dead.  I can’t decide if this makes me morbid or practical.

9.   If I could get away with it, I would simply buzz my hair.  I did finally get it cut, you know, but I still hate it.  I am LAZY and don’t want to take the extra time in the mornings to DO my hair, and I also don’t really see the point; it’s just hair.  

10.  Every morning I read the obituaries and the court news in the newspaper.  It is a really good way to keep tabs on some of my customers.  Plus I keep thinking I will find out the location of my ex-husband in one or the other.  He nor his wife have ever called back; imagine that.

So.  This actually ended up being more like a Fragments post.  I may have exhausted all of my deep dark secrets on here.  Or maybe I should open it up to have you all ask me stuff you might want to know.  But: take the award if you want it, and have fun with it!

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18 thoughts on “Some Scraps

  1. I think of music I want played at my funeral too…sometimes a loved one’s but don’t worry its alright and with Hannah all I can offer is prayer! Alan sometimes is very anal about his feelings and motives that my mom feels lost with him too! DOnt miss me too much these next couple days!

  2. I remember being a teenager. And I see teens every day facing all sorts of really hard shit. I’m thinking maybe part of being a teen is really not being able to work it out. I think maybe all they can do is survive it, and later on they’ll be more capable of dealing with it. I know it’s heartbreaking to have to watch while your baby suffers. I’m thinking she’ll be OK cause she has a loving mama standing right by her, and she knows that, and it will get her through.
    .-= michelle´s last blog ..Every breath I take =-.

  3. dude- so much to comment… 1.) I had the same feeling about Blogher last year (that’s why I made an effort this year), but I get it- I know I’ve talked incessantly about it, but more so about me getting out and away from the husband’s anxiety.

    2.)I’m so sorry about your daughter. Don’t feel like a failure. My best friend in college had a similar situation, turned into a pothead and went to an alternative high school- then went to college and is very successful and happy now- just be there for her- at some point she should be able to let you in.

    3.)And now I’m dying to know who hates you- why could someone hate you from your blog- freaks. If she hates you she’s probably got me on her hit list too.
    .-= tena´s last blog ..I’m Ready! =-.

  4. I can empathize with #3. After years of counseling and therapy my son has finally stopped saying ‘everything is fine’ when he is asked how things are going. I blame myself for a lot, but still know there may have been nothing I could have done to prevent his problems. I’ll keep you all in my prayers.
    .-= Tara R.´s last blog ..PollDaddy ratings and polls =-.

  5. Kori, Hannah has already come so far. I think the immediate future will be more ups and downs, rather than just one way or the other.
    As far as someone not liking you for your blog goes… Huh? I really don’t understand. What on earth could you have possibly said to offend someone. I must say that it’s a bit hard to think that one of our community of bloggers could be so hateful. Very sad, indeed.
    .-= Krissa´s last blog ..Let’s discuss world peace, curing cancer, ending hunger and me sweeping the floors. =-.

  6. Just in case I die when we meet (and seeing as how long we’ve gone so far, I see this as entirely possible), just donate the whole damn thing to science. You know, as an example of what NOT to do!
    .-= April´s last blog ..New post up at LA Moms =-.

  7. I SO need to learn how to redirect a few people’s IP’s to fuckoff.com! Wish I knew how.

    As for your daughter, I’m sorry to hear it. And I know how you feel to some extent. Sometimes there are outside forces that negatively impact our kids that we cannot control but that does not mean WE are the failure.
    .-= MindyMom´s last blog ..Finding Love =-.

  8. Kori – Your daughter must be a teenager. They are the hardest people in the world to get through to, I swear. But, they listen more than they appear to. I bet in a year or so things will be easier. Hormones and all that.

    I am truly sorry about your doggie. If she’s not in a lot of pain, then I would say let her ride it out. Also, the vet may be able to give her a shot of prednazone. I think that works for joint pain sometimes. My step mother’s dog is 14 and in a similar state. It is a very sad thing to deal with.

    Also, LOL about fuckoff.com. What a bitch! You’re right, sometimes you just gotta let your ‘friends’ go.
    .-= Lady Lemon´s last blog ..Help Me =-.

  9. Someday Hannah will realize that no matter what happens to you in life, there comes a point where it is up to you to fix it. Not in a “you are responsible for what happened” way, but in an “only YOU can move yourself beyond this” way. I hope she realizes that soon. Tell her not to give this bastard the satisfaction of taking her life away. She deserves to have a life and be happy in spite of him. Letting his actions dictate her future is just another way in which he wins. She needs to fight back! And I know it isn’t that simple, but I hope she can find some motivation, even if she needs to use anger as motivation to get jump-started.
    .-= FreedomFirst´s last blog ..Just wow =-.

  10. I’m with you on the immunity blend, Kori. What the hell? Sure, allow me to pay AxisFoods top dollar for a bag of s***, pick up the kids from school, catch the Piggy Flu, only to go to the doctor, who cannot prescribe anything to help. Wow, my Immunity Beans did not protect me? WTF???

    What… No, please… keep your fresh foods in produce, I prefer AxisFoods to pack mine with chemicals to make them appear fresh once I nuke them in the mic. Ahh, watch any surviving nutrients that Axis missed at the processing plant float away into the great beyond…

    Folks, we need to wake up. Eat foods with ingredients that you can pronounce. Stop drinkin’ so much(ain’t gonna happen w/me) stop smokin’ so much (see stop drinking so much) and walk somewhere. Oh yeah, when you get a cold, eat some chicken soup that you made a home (unless you prefer a can of salt) eat a orange and GET SOME REST! Trust me, the world will continue to orbit the sun if you do. And guess what, we will all feel better!

    Now if I can only take my own advice, I’ll be good! LOLLOL I’m tryin’ to change my triflin’ ways, but rough terrain out here.

    Take care everyone! LOL 😉
    .-= Claudia´s last blog ..FriendFeed.com =-.

  11. Dude. You know I try to stay positive all the time, right? But I gotta tell you I totally agree with you about the BlogHer posts. I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t attend because there were a couple of people I wanted to see and it would have been a good opportunity for our business, but after reading some of that crap I thought to myself “You know what? I can just go see those people on my own time whenever I want.” Case closed.

    Who was the blogger?
    .-= matt´s last blog ..The Art Of The Giveaway =-.

  12. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter and your dog. My brother’s 16 and heading into his sophomore year. He already flunked last year and flunked summer school. I don’t think there’s any hope for him. Gotta love the teenage years.

    I have always read obits in the newspaper for as long as I can remember. We had to do one for a class project one time to do a timeline and it’s stuck with me. I think thinking of funeral songs is very realistic. I’ve been thinking about creating a will or some kind of guardianship. It’s great to be prepared. And the whole food thing Claudia said it best.

    Have a great weekend.

  13. OMG,Kori-You are hilarious.

    #1 I understand. Read my post today, though, please. It happened at BlogHer but really has nothing to do with it 🙂
    #3 So sorry. Wish I could help. I wonder if there isn’t some really healing “camp” for young women in her situation.
    #4 Pretty funny.
    #6 Can you give Harley ibuprofen, at least? Does that help?
    #7 Cut it out-I LOVE those veggies (but moreso the HealthyWeight ones–SO delicious!!)
    #8 Me, too!! It’s all in a file on the computer, called, “Stuff You’ll Need in Case I Croak.”
    #9 I would love to not have the bother of hair, too, on some level. I don’t have the kind of hair that looks good without a daily washing/blowing, etc.
    .-= Mrs4444´s last blog ..Be Bright Pink Giveaway =-.

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