A Good Day

Another Monday, another week beginning.  The second week of school, the first week of September, less than two weeks before Steve and I’s fourth “anniversary.”  It felt like fall this morning, the air cool and damp, the leaves just beginning to fade from green to gold.  A good day.

It was an eventful weekend in many respects.  First, we had our AA Speaker Meeting on Friday night, and it was an exceptionally good meeting.  The woman who spoke told just the right amount of pre-AA stories, enough to give us a clear idea of where she came from, without turning it into an endless litany of drunk stories.  She focused most on what she is like now, what her life is like, and those are the good kinds.  After the meeting, I talked to a woman about becoming my sponsor, and she gave me different things to work on until we can meet next weekend.  I haven’t had a sponsor in the traditional sense for a couple of years; instead, I have a small network of people whom I can call, and vice versa, when things get dicey (and yes, I actually use that network quite frequently).  However, when push comes to shove, it isn’t enough, and when I feel like I have lately, it means it is time to sit down and work the steps (again).  One of the things I need to really concentrate on right now is re-learning how to keep my own peace and serenity despite what outward circumstances are, and for me, the best way to do this is to get right back down to basics and start from the beginning yet again.  I used to think, when I first got sober, that I would be able to zip through the steps and be done, that it would only take one time and I would magically be cured of the necessity for doing them again.  However, as my life changes, as different things happen, I have found that the only thing that really stays the same is that I will have to do the work over and over and over again.  I don’t want to drink again, and I don’t want to be crazy all the time, and this is a proven remedy for me.

Also on Friday, Steve and I talked about the money situation, and we both resolved to do what we need to do in order to prevent either of us from having to take on a second job.  It isn’t easy for either of us to get used to this sharing of things, including money, and harder yet to talk about it.  I mean, he contributes to the household expenses, part of him moving in, but we each have our own bills and pay them and neither of us questions what the other does with his/her money beyond the basic necessities.  We have talked about the recent developments, of course, but hadn’t really explored the options in depth.  So we talked, and we both agreed that our time at home in the evenings is really important-for all of us-and that we really need to be committed to honoring that.  We talked about different budgeting strategies, agreed that for the time being we needed to simply pool the resources and get all the bills paid and what is left-precious little-is simply what is left.  Being aware that living even more frugally is a short-term venture helps; this isn’t going to last forever, though things will be stretched pretty thin for a time.  Funny, too.  We talked about this and are on the same page as to what is truly important, and then on Saturday I found out that a child support payment was posted to my account.  My personal belief in God tells me that because we as a couple verbalized that our time as a family is the most important aspect of the situation, He made sure that we will will be provided for (and I know that a lot of you don’t believe in that, and I respect that).  Of course, it is money that is owed me; I just find the timing especially Divine.  So things will still be tight, but not as tight as they were going to be, so that is good (and by the way, am I the only one seeing the irony in the fact that I will be using child support to help pay the bills that I wouldn’t have to pay were it not for the ex?).

Saturday, we didn’t do much.  It was Steve’s Saturday to work, so the kids and I cleaned and did yard work and folded laundry.  Eli had a friend over, too, so after we were done with chores, they set up his Rock Band game in the living room and treated me (I do say that tongue-in-cheek, thank you for asking!) to a lovely concert.  This friend has the works; two guitars, a drum set, and a microphone, and we have a killer surround-sound system that they love; I just had to laugh at them all.  Even Owen was getting into the act.  After that, B. went home and Eli went to another friend’s house and the rest of us napped.  I tell you, that was the best nap I have had in a long time.  amazing how much better I sleep when the most immediate problems are if not solved then at least whittled down to a manageable size.  After our nap, we had the family b-day party (that was supposed to be on Friday), and it was okay.  Rarely do I walk away from one thinking, “Wow, THAT was FUN!” but yeah, it was okay.  The pizza was great, anyway, and the kids had a great time; that is enough for me.

Yesterday was bittersweet; we finally took my dog in to be put down.  Yes, it was a Sunday, but Steve knows the vet and he agreed to do it on a Sunday to save us $$.  In fact, he did it for free, we just had to, um, dispose of the body. It was so hard.  She hadn’t eaten anything other than some rice and warm milk for three days, and was skin and bones, but also very cheerful.  We had to carry her to the car, and all the while she was trying to wag her tail and was whining; she loved car rides, so was as excited as she could get.  She tired to stand up to look out the back window and promptly fell back down, which made me really sad to watch.  Still, she wagged and licked up until the moment that she went, and that made me happy for her.  We took her out to Steve’s parents’ house and buried her there.  So, I am sad, and already I miss her, but also I feel glad for her; it was very, very quick, she was already pretty far gone, and it was very gentle.  I would ask it be like that for everyone.

We took a couple of hours, Steve and I, and went fishing yesterday evening.  Didn’t catch a blessed thing, but for me it never really IS about catching the fish.  Don’t get me wrong, I really love the feeling of a fish on the line, but I like most the simple act of casting and reeling, the way the water smells and the lack of any noise but the birds and the water.  It brings me back to myself, calms me when life is stormy, and I really needed that bit of peace.  And I don’t know whether it was the fresh air or the lessening of my anxiety or the fact that I am taking action toward personal healing or a combination of all of the above, but I slept like the dead last night.

So I begin the week feeling better than I have in quite some time.  Like I said, a good day.  And really, sometimes a good day is simply a blessing to sit back and be grateful for; sometimes it is enough.

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46 thoughts on “A Good Day

  1. I just realized that I dreamt about you last night. I was looking for you, and get this – you were in black and white just like in your picture! Which cracks me up.
    I’m glad you were able to have a good healthy conversation about $$, and woo hoo about finally getting that child support payment!
    I love you.
    .-= April´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up =-.

  2. I’m glad you had a good day! Talking about money in a relationship was always hard for me. It sounds like you and Steve had a really productive and useful talk, that’s awesome.

    Hope the deep sleeps keep coming for you. It sounds like they’re helping heal you almost as much as everything else.
    .-= Cat´s last blog ..Birth Story- Part 1 =-.

    • @Cat, I think that you are right about sleep; I know that is I am tired-which I have been-the one thing that most helps is getting good sleep. It just somehow makes everything else feel more do-able.

  3. That’s awesome to read about the money talks! And I’m 100% in agreement with you about the second jobs and family time being important.

    I could so easily get a job at night – I really feels sometimes like it’d be the only way to get ahead, but Colin and I also feel that being together during those evening and weekend hours as a family unit – and as a couple – is more important than money or getting ahead.

    So we budget, things have been cut out. I’ve been forced to learn how to cook, shop, look at fliers, plan ahead, accept my natural brunette rather than quarterly $200 blonding – but it’s all good and it’s worth so worth it.

    YAY for the support payment!
    .-= Huckdoll´s last blog ..september rules =-.

  4. Kori- That was beautiful and had so many profound truths in it. I really am going to be thinking about many of the things you wrote about for quite some time. I’m glad for the Divine timing of the money- I know that between that and your honest communication with Steve, there will be some weight off your back. A little, at least. A little more room to breathe.
    Take good care, you wise woman.
    .-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..From Anxiety to Logic to Love to Answers =-.

    • @Ms. Moon, I had to go back in and read what I wrote because wise? Me? Ha. I still don’t see it, but then I bet you don’t either when people say the same thing of you. 🙂 Thank you, so much.

  5. I am really sorry to hear about your dog, but am so glad it was peaceful and that you are also at peace about that decision. It is always so difficult.

    And your description of fishing made me long for the water, and I think next weekend it might be time to find the tackle box.
    .-= SJ´s last blog ..Saving Lives =-.

  6. This post made me smile with all of it’s positive energy. You should be proud of yourself, hon, you’re getting there. Baby steps.

    And I’m so very sorry about your dog.
    (((((((((hugs)))))))))
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Image =-.

  7. Ahh, you know what they say. He may not be there when you need it Him, but He’s always right on time. Sounds like things are settling down for you.

    I hope today’s good day is the start of a lot more of them.
    .-= Lynette´s last blog ..And we’re done. =-.

  8. I feel like I am late to the game on this one even though you only posted yesterday but it is already full of comments. First off I really enjoyed the post. It was very lovely and touching and honest and great. I am glad things are going well with AA and I know how hard it is pool finances with someone when you are not used to doing it so I am glad to hear that is going well also. And so very sorry to hear about your dog. I know how difficult it must have been and I hope you are doing a little better now. I know I am getting closer to that day with my beloved basset and well you know. Again I am sorry for your loss. Take care.
    .-= Mr. Shife´s last blog ..Rookie Dad Journal =-.

  9. Hey Kori, I know this is kind of off topic…but I just wanted to come by and reply to your comment…I so, think you’re right…no matter what we do to raise kids up, if they’re going to rebel, they will…at one level or another.. I like how you’re always honest, and appreciate your sincerity in your comments. I really do. Anyway, I don’t have cool comments where I can respond directly to a person…so I just wanted to let you know that. Hope your week’s going good!
    .-= Juls´s last blog ..Oh, Mother… =-.

    • @Juls, Thank you, so much. I have a terrible penchant for saying what I think and then regretting it later; I hope it didn’t sound bad. I just think of my own daughter and how some might think that I haven’t raised HER right, because of all of the troubles, and really, I just think we do the best we can and hope and pray they make it back to us. And I DO believe they do. You are doing an excellent job.

  10. Alas my relationship ended partly over financial issues. It’s always a hard conversation for me to have.

    So sorry to hear about your dog but glad she went the way you liked.

    Also glad to hear that the weekend went so well. Hopefully the week has followed suit.

  11. Sounds like things are going fairly well! I know the financial stuff is SO hard, even when you know it’s tight, the reality of it is still hard. I’m glad that you got the money from child support – I know that with Justin and I we have been struggling to get by for the past couple of years, but we have had the same kind of blessings right when we really needed them, and it’s kind of amazed me. I’m glad that you are so good at recognizing what you need to do – ie working the steps again. I think a lot of people go into it thinking that it’s one time and they are ‘cured’ or whatever, but with anything that is SO important in life, we have to revisit, reassess, and recommitt every once in a while! So, way to go you!
    .-= Rachael´s last blog ..Thursday Thirteen: Praying for Change =-.

  12. Congratulations on the child support coming through-that is great news! A bit ironic though, like you said.

    I’m so sorry about your dog. I’m glad she went peacefully. I worry a lot about when we’ll have to do that with our dog. He’s 14 and in pretty good shape, but he’s getting old. When he goes, I hope he just goes quietly in his sleep; I don’t want to be the one to have to make that decision. =(
    .-= Dreamybee´s last blog ..What recession? =-.

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