Okay. I have to admit to feeling, still, a little bit numb about the results of yesterday’s events. It isn’t as if I don’t KNOW what happened, but it still hasn’t sunk in. And I think what I am is simply tired. Not tired in the “oh my god I can’t DO this anymore” sense that you have all seen at different times over the last year, but simply tired in general. Relief, probably, brought about by simple lack of feeling at the moment. Numbness. It is neither bad nor good, it just IS.
A complaint: although the sentencing was on the local news last night, it was not included in the web cast of the news, so that annoyed me. There was no mention of it in the newspaper, neither the online version nor the actual paper edition. This made me downright mad; there have been things published about it from Day One, yet the ending isn’t? I very politely (yes, I had someone else read it first to make sure, thankyouverymuch) emailed the Editor of the city pages, inquiring as to why there was no mention of it; I received an email in reply that was very, very vague and also pulling the “we just don’t have enough reporters to cover everything” statement. What the fuck ever. Still, I can’t quite muster up the energy to even reply to him; like I said, numb.
One funny thing: since CF apparently didn’t believe he was really going to jail yesterday, he drove his own car to the courthouse. It is still parked out there, and this? Made me laugh. Maybe he has been able to make arrangements with someone to pick it up (though another happy little note is that he had no one in the courtroom with him yesterday. No one), but it still makes me chuckle. Because wouldn’t it be the icing on the cake if his car got impounded? For some reason this strikes me as quite chuckalicious.
Anyway. I got up this morning and I might feel numb and tired but it will pass. There are too many other things to be doing, both with regards to this whole thing (gathering together all of the expenses incurred in the last nine months and 7 days, not that I have been counting, setting up a consultation with a REAL therapist with regards to a formal evaluation/treatment plan/estimated cost to submit to the court, etc…) and in other areas of my life, so I CAN’T be tired.
I don’t even know what is wrong with me. I just-I don’t know. So since I don’t know what else to say, I won’t keep trying. And won’t THAT be a blessing?