The sky is lowering and it looks like snow; I am not quite sure how it got so close to the end of the year without me noticing. Steve spent a good part of the weekend puttering around the house, putting up new weather stripping around the front and back doors, installing new little thingies under both doors as well to stop the wind from coming in, and it looks like we might be trick-or-treating in the snow this year (if the forecast is to be trusted, that is). Before we know it, Thanksgiving will be upon us, and for all intents and purposes, the year is sliding to a close.
The weekend was maybe not good in the sense of, “Damn, it was a good weekend,” but all in all I think it was just what I needed. On Friday night, something happened that really, really hurt my feelings, as in I finished a conversation with a friend while trying not to cry and as soon as I got into the car the tears just started falling. I met with my friend P. on Saturday morning and we talked about the situation and while it didn’t resolve anything, she gave me a few tips, as well as helped me process things. Why I felt the way I felt, what part I played in it, and what I need to do now. We also talked at great length about the way I am as opposed the way I think I should be, and I tell you, some of the qualities I possess that I have always seen as liabilities may in fact be assets. To ME, not to anyone else. And part of the problem on Friday night was me thinking I wanted to “belong,” which is why my feelings got hurt. The reality is that 90% of the time I am not a social person, I don’t care to spend my valuable time with anyone save a handful of people I really love, and the 10% of me who just wants to be liked is, well, only 10%. So to say that I am all over it is not true, because there are some other things that I need to work through, but I DO feel better. There is nothing wrong with not having twenty friends; there is nothing wrong with choosing carefully the people on whom I want to expend energy. So in that respect, I did and do feel a lot better after having spoken with P.
On Sunday, I actually put makeup and a dress on, and we all went to church; a friend of Steve’s was giving a farewell, so we went in support of him. It ended up being the same ward where Steve’s parents and company go, so that was kind of nice. Afterward, we all went over to Steve’s parents for dinner, and for a change it was a really fun time. Here is my theory: when we all get together for a specific occasion, I feel pressured, for whatever reasons, therefore I can’t really enjoy it. When we get together like we did yesterday, just because, there is no pressure at all and I can just relax and have a good time. There were the inevitable skirmishes between the four younger kids, but Sam did a great job of playing with them all and being a bit of a calming influence (which is actually a surprise, I wouldn’t ever have imagined calling Sam calming). We all took turns playing games on the Wii, which I had never done before and rather enjoyed. It cracked me up that after so long, a little message comes up that says, “You have been playing a long time; why not go outside and get some air?” or something like that. A good idea, but also laughable that people might actually need a reminder.
Not much else of note happened over the weekend. We got the kids’ Halloween costumes, picked up some more plaster screws to put the rails back up on the stairs, made a lovely pumpkin-pecan dessert, and cleaned the house up (I say we, but I didn’t do any of the cleaning; I came home from meeting with P. and Steve and the kids had cleaned!). Lasagna and garlic bread for dinner on Saturday, and a family movie on the couch. And now another week begins, again, and this week I think I am ready for it.