Because I can't DO Wordless Wednesday, you get this

I am feeling decidedly cold-y this afternoon, my nose running freely and my eyes sort of burning; you know that feeling that you get, where your head is all stuffed up and you just know that as soon as the couch starts, you are done for?  Yeah, THAT feeling.  So I haven’t been feeling especially inspired to write anything.  Well-not true; in my head I have these great posts all composed, you know the kind that will just knock people’s socks off, but alas, they just aren’t making it any further than my head.

I am annoyed because all that pumpkin I canned?  Spoiled.  For whatever reasons, the lids on the jars didn’t seal correctly; this is actually the first time that has ever happened to me, so I am not sure what I did wrong, or if perhaps the lids themselves were faulty.  Either way, I ended up dumping out every.single.jar.  I am hoping to be able to can another batch this weekend, though-the upside being that since Halloween is just around the corner, pumpkins are going to be cheap as dirt. 

More drama with the backyard neighbor, who suddenly reappeared this week.  She hasn’t pissed me off yet, just-I don’t know.  We were outside last night, Steve and I, and she came over the the gate and started talking to us.  Steve (chickenshit) quickly made some excuse and went and hid in the house while she was there, which I thought terribly unfair (he said, “I don’t want her thinking she is MY friend!”  Thanks a lot, buddy.  Really).  Anyway, kind of out of the blue she said, “You know, my husband just left me for another woman after 12 years, and I just now begged him to just please love me again.  How pathetic is that?”  Yep, pretty pathetic, and I know that because I did the very same thing with MY ex-husband; just begged him to please love me.  You can see how well that worked out, so I am pretty sure it is going to work out the same for her.  For some reason, now that I know that, I can understand the rage I witnessed last week or whenever that was; because I have been there, too.  Still and all, I don’t want her to think I am her friend; most of the neighbors have slowly come to the realization that we are not, in fact, friendly people, so with hope she will get the hint as well.

I just got off the phone with one of my sisters; it is funny, she says, “Have you talked to your mother lately?” and I say, “No, have you talked to yours?” and of course we have the same mother.  Neither of us have talked to her, either, in case any of you were wondering.  We have all made a pact of sorts-unspoken, but a pact nonetheless-that none of are going to get embroiled in the bullshit this year about the holidays.  She has her family (the bar buddies), we have our families (partners, husbands, kids, chosen families) and never the twain shall meet-at least NOT this year.  We are going guilt-free, too, kind of like sugar-free only ultimately more satisfying. 

I think-well, I don’t know.  It feels like I am a little less conflicted than usual about the relationship-or lack thereof-with my mom right now.  I don’t know how much of it has to do with acceptance of the reality of it all (which I have to do over and over again at different times of the year, I must admit) or how much is to do with simple lack of energy to deal with it or maybe I am just numb.  But see, I am the youngest of four, and my mom tells me that she is closest to me not because she IS, but because then she can use me as a sort of, I don’t know, wedge? between me and the others, and I just-I don’t know.  I get sucked in time and time again by that tiny little hope that maybe she really does love me, and I am making a pact to myself that I am not doing it anymore.  Not this year, anyway.

And as if this post hasn’t been quite random enough, I have recently rediscovered the delights of Butterfinger candy bars.  Are they not absolutely wonderful?  I haven’t eaten one in a coon’s age, and had forgotten the chocolatey, peanut-buttery deliciousness.  No wonder my pants aren’t fitting any longer!

So.  Parent-Teacher conference tonight for Hannah, which means a quick meal of macaroni and cheese and hot dogs; score for me.  With luck, Owen will actually get bathed tonight, and God help the dog who wakes me up at 4:00 in the morning like they both did this morning.  Believe me, I don’t care how cute they are, I will de-bark the little bastards permanently if I have to.


25 thoughts on “Because I can't DO Wordless Wednesday, you get this

  1. Mothers. Ouch. I have talked to mine exactly twice since my grandson was born. Once, when she was saying how much she’d love to see him, I told her she should invite my daughter and the baby over for lunch or to go out to lunch. That was my answer, not, “Why don’t I bring Lily and the baby over for a visit?” But I feel guilty. Which sucks.
    Gargle with salt water. Twice a day. It can’t hurt. I hope you don’t get really sick. The world needs you.

  2. I wonder why that neighbor is suddenly in your world; it seems kind of uncanny, doesn’t it? And doesn’t it feel wonderful to know you no longer live in a world like she does? And isn’t it freaky that you did? I”m glad you’re making healthy choices for yourself where your mom is concerned. I cannot imagine being in that bind with my mom, though I was definitely in that kind of relationship with my dad. Sometimes, you have to just put it out there and set your boundaries–good for you. Good luck this holiday season.

    Sorry about the pumpkin. BTW, I am LOVING a soup (I think made by Campbells?) in a green, cardboard container, in the flavor of butternut squash. It reminds me of pumpkin, and it is YUMMY. Maybe you could make a delicious pumpkin soup and then send some to me? 🙂
    .-= Mrs4444´s last blog ..Do You Know Where Your Rectum Is? =-.

  3. mmmm…butterfingers are my favorite…which is exactly why I refuse to buy them to pass out this year. I’ll just eat them all. And my wardrobe is already dwindling to a level of patheticness that I care not to think about. >=(

    How the hell are you girl??
    .-= Tammy´s last blog ..Our little piece of heaven. =-.

  4. Wow. That sucks about the pumpkin. That kind of stuff usually puts me over the edge.

    I think maybe we’re parallel universe sisters cause I routinely have EXACTLY the same exchange with one of my sisters about OUR mother. Too funny. Or not.

    My favorite part about Butterfingers is the way they get stuck in my molars. Seriously.
    .-= michelle´s last blog ..I am NOT my mother =-.

  5. First, butterfingers have been carrying me through some pretty rough days lately so I completely understand that.

    Second, I am joining your unspoken pact of not getting into the whole family holiday drama this year! Why didn’t I think of this sooner? It would have saved me a lot of trouble.
    .-= jennie´s last blog ..Flowers for Lazy-non =-.

  6. No matter whether you’re not friendly neighbor or a not a friend or whatever – you’re empathetic. I got a huge sense of you being a good person – and she probably did as well – because you listened for a moment.

    And no matter how rambly you think this post was to you,it was fluid and excellent to me. 🙂

    • @Dingo, Oh, what a great idea! Definitly will cut down on the lean-over-the-back-gate-and-talk-thing.

      I make pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, pancakes, etc…and now I am dying to try pumpkin soup.

  7. It’s weird that your neighbor is suddenly being neighbor-ly I would be leery of any cakes or pies she brings over. Doesn’t it make you feel good though to know that you came through all that and now are in a much much better place. Maybe in a way she looks up to you. I still would be cautious about being friends with her (as I know you are) because who knows when she’ll start her old antics up again.

    I’m sorry your sick. I feel your pain. Sudafed and Tylenol worked for me after taking them for a couple days but you practically have to give up your first born to wrangle Sudafed out of the hands of the pharmacy.

    Good for you for focusing on what’s good for you regarding the situation with your mom. I’m the youngest of four too but usually my mom just pumps me for information, haha. And is it bad that I don’t mind it?
    .-= Mrs. Ski´s last blog ..Updates =-.

    • @Mrs. Ski, What’s even more odd about the neighbor thing is that I don’t even KNOW her; the only other contact I have had with her is the “It’s none of your fucking business” comment when her and her ex’s fighting woke Owen up.

      Hope YOU are feeling better today!

  8. So bummed about the pumpkin spoiling!! I might have just cried! All that hard work wasted. 😦

    Yes, Butterfingers are delicious. I don’t eat them much either.

    I updated my last blog post, but I’m guessing it doesn’t update the feed reader because neither you nor April have commented. I came up with an idea for my 100th post and the giveaway! and I had a tonsillectomy yesterday! 😦 So whether you get a sore throat or not, just be grateful the pain isn’t as excruciating and unbearable as this!

    Love you!
    .-= Julie´s last blog ..Milestones – UPDATED! =-.

    • @Julie, I can’t even imagine; I was a little girl when I got mine out, and I STILL remember how bad I hurt-so to feel that pain as an adult? I am SO sorry; here’s to hoping you are getting good drugs, though! 🙂

  9. Oh man Buitterfingers are yummy!! When I get away from my mom my siblings and I will no doubt have a similar pact with my mom. I understand they mean well but we are utter and complete opposites. There are many times I even wonder why she chose to have kids. Anyhow not trying to hijack the post. Hopefully you don’t get too sick.

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