Today was not the greatest of Mondays, at least starting out. Nobody wanted to get out of bed very badly, myself included, and we were running late so I was a few minutes late for work, and, well. So begins another week, right? It isn’t particularly busy at work right now, which means I have time to start going through and purging out the old files, doing all that year-end cleanup stuff, and if I had to pick a least favorite time of year as far as work goes, this would be it. It isn’t hard work, mind you-but it is tedious, and the back room where all of the files are kept is really cold, and it just isn’t a whole lot of fun. No matter, though-it can only take so long, and then we will have a whole year before we have to do it again.
I wanted to clarify something that a couple of people mentioned in my last post about AA meetings, or rather explain a little bit more fully what it is about. For one thing, AA is open to anyone at all who thinks they have a problem with alcohol; this includes people whom the judge, based on crimes committed, thinks might have a problem. And even though sometimes it is difficult and changes the tone of the meeting when we have an influx of court-ordered people come in, typically one of two things happen. They either serve out their court-ordered time in meetings and then leave and we don’t see them again until the next time they get in trouble, or they stick around and listen long enough to get it and decide they want to stay sober. Either way, we want them there; sometimes a person will come back years later, after having gone back out and tried it out there, and when they make it back, they might mention something they heard in a meeting years before. That’s really all any of us can do, is keep walking our own walks and doing what we need to do and hope that something touches a chord with the newcomer. When I brought up the lack of appropriate behavior, it was not my intention to imply that I thought they should be somehow excluded from the meetings; if I did, I am sorry, because that isn’t what AA is about at all. Over time, most people learn what is and isn’t appropriate, and in some cases I think it might be the first time in their lives they HAVE-so even though it is a pain sometimes, well, I would rather have them there than not. And no, nobody was rude or anything when it came to that last post-not for one second-but I thought maybe I should clarify how things are a little bit, because most people really have no idea what an AA meeting or group is about. And now you all do; we are there to get sober, to stay sober, and to help other people do the same. It isn’t always comfortable or easy, for me or for anyone, and there are times in meetings where even the people who have been around for a long time drive me batshit crazy (and, I would assume, the same applies to me!) it just is the way it is. When a group of people who are vastly different in terms of personality and life choices and circumstances are all banded together for a common purpose, it is a beautiful, powerful thing; it works. However, sometimes the same things that bond us together also create friction; I have experienced growing pains within groups before, and over time we all just do what we need to do to stay sober, and it works out. Sometimes it doesn’t for people, and they leave the meeting; we don’t see that often here because there are so few meetings to choose from, and the nearest town for different meetings is 45 minutes away. Anyway, I do want to reiterate here that I am neither criticizing any of my commenters, nor did I think they were criticizing me; I know that because this is my life, it is easy to assume that other people are familiar with it as well.
Moving on, the weekend was pretty okay. Other than going out on Friday, we didn’t really do much. Steve and his friend worked most of the day trying to put in the remote start on my car (still didn’t get it in), and the kids and I stayed home and cleaned and did whatever it is we do. I did go down to where Steve works and pressure wash and scrub my living room rug; in fact, my arms and shoulders are a little bit sore today from doing that job, but it was filthy. Yesterday, Steve and I ran errands and such in the morning, and then he took Owen and Sam with him to do some more stuff at the new house his parents are building. The bigger kids and I stayed home and cleaned house, did laundry, etc…and that was pretty much the extent of the weekend.
However, the days of longing for excitement are far gone, and I am content (today, at least) to simply live my life and enjoy the peace. There are days when it is busy and full of the little day to day things, and I like those days, too. Maybe I am simply more able these days to enjoy life for what it is-an endless cycle of good, bad, and indifferent. I don’t know, I just know that right now I still feel pretty okay all the way around. Not pain free, not perfect, not full of joy every blessed second, but still okay for all that.