CF is out

I just received an email notification that Hannah’s molester, CF, was released today; has it been 120 days already?  The mind and body say no, but the calendar say yes, in fact, it has.  I have been expecting it, though, knowing it would be some time this week-I don’t know why it hit me so hard to find out that it was today.  I think part of it is simple denial; as long as he was incarcerated, it was pretty easy to believe that everything was fine and that we have dealt with everything we need to deal with.  And I hasten to add here that we ARE , in fact, fine; a little less trusting, a little more battered around by life, a little more damaged, but essentially okay.  The ultimate truth of that doesn’t change now that he is out. 

However, I know well that we are going to have to work hard to keep the feeling of security that was easy to feel while we knew he was in jail, and once I tell Hannah, I expect a few sleepless nights and lots of reassurances.  No, he doesn’t know where we live.  No, he doesn’t know where she goes to school now.  Yes, there is a restraining order in place to protect us all (between us, we all know how much good an RO does, but I am NOT going to tell that to Hannah).  It is a bit unnerving in the sense that this IS a small area; we may very well run into him at the grocery store, at Wal-Mart, at the gas station.  I may see him at different AA functions (although he is supposed to stay away from my Monday and Friday meetings, and is supposed to leave an event if he sees that I am there) on occasion, Hannah may catch a glimpse of him driving down the road.  It is what it is, and I guess we just figure out how to deal with these different things just like we have figured out how to deal with everything leading up to this point.

The consolation, small as it might be, is in knowing that we did everything we could.  He will be registered, he will be on felony sex offender probation for ten years, he will be required to undergo sex offender treatment; whether he can adhere to the terms of his probation is up to him.  Whether or not parents check the sex offender website is up to THEM.  Whether people in the AA program believe it or not is up to them-but I DO hope that even if they are on his side that they would still keep their kids away from him.  Anyway, so much if it is so out of our control that we can’t even really worry about it; we have done all that we could, and it has to be enough.

I worry a little about telling Hannah, but I have to; far better for her to know so we can go over the different issues that might come up and talk about how she feels than have her be blindsided when she inevitably hears about it from someone else or sees him.  So-please send her up good thoughts and mental reminders that she is a strong, beautiful and brave girl.  She has been through the hardest part already-she can learn how to deal with this as well.  And for me, pray for a clear eye and a sense of discernment, so that if she doesn’t, in fact, handle it well then I can find her a counselr.  That has never been ruled out, but the lull has been good for her and it seemed best to let her breathe.  We might not be able to do that now, so I hope that I can be aware enough to note any warnings signs.

So-we keep breathing.  The world did not just stop, nor is the beauty of the day marred; maybe there has been more progress than I thought, because while I freely admit that the whole thing sucks ass, well, it just is what it is, and life keeps flowing forward.  We have weathered far worse storms than this one, and there is no doubt we will weather whatever comes up as the result of his release.

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28 thoughts on “CF is out

  1. Wow, it’s hard to believe it has been 120 days. Bottom line…he should be in there for 12,000 days. Since that’s not the case I will definitely keep you, Hannah and your family in my thoughts and prayers and I sincerely hope that you never run into that scumbag again.

    BIG hugs!!!

    • @Mrs. Ski, Where have you BEEN! I have missed you, but gotten so caught up in life that I haven’t checked in. Thank you for the kind, kind words. We really ARE okay, but it just brings up some uncomfortable feelings-hell, we shop in the same grocery stores, you know? But: all will be well, right?

  2. I know…I know…I have SERIOUSLY slacked in the reading and blogging category! I promise to try and do better or at least visit your blog daily! I have missed you too!!!!! And yes, all will be well!

  3. Very impressive post, Kori. Reassuring to us; shows a good bit of health on your part.

    It is all news to me, being new around here. Will go off for a while and think about how well you have lived after trauma. (Including your daughter in my statements.)
    .-= Barbara´s last blog ..Run! =-.

  4. I’m a big advocate of breathing room. I think your daughter is stronger than either one of us could ever imagine, and I think that with you by her side, she’ll be just fine.

    And if she’s not, I still know people…*wink*
    .-= Mr Lady´s last blog ..The War of the Roses =-.

  5. I think it would be crazy if you didn’t feel some upset over the news, but I’m glad to see that you will not let this news break you. I’m not surprised, you understand, but still glad. And I love you.

  6. Oh gosh, I don’t know this story. But it sounds awful awful. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like you are super strong and wise. I hope it goes okay. It will. H is so lucky to have you.
    Just UGH.

    • @Juls, It’s a litlte unsettling how quickly it DID go! But you know, so far we are doing okay, and that says a lot about the progress, right? But don’t stop praying. 🙂

  7. I know I’m late. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much lately, I have not had much online time mostly due to my house being a den of illness. But, I have been thinking about you and had this pulled up on my computer since the day you published it meaning to comment.

    Anyhow, it sucks that he’s out. I wish they could make him move somewhere else so you’d never have to see him. Since they can’t, I’m so glad you guys are strong and that Hannah has you to support her. It went by WAY too fast, but hopefully it went by really, really slow for him.
    .-= Rachael´s last blog ..Who Am I To Talk Lurkers?! =-.

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