Funny; as of yesterday, I have written 400 posts-isn’t that a little bit insane? It used to really matter to me-whoa, 100, 200, 300 posts! And it is still kind of cool in the sense that I have had this blog for all that time. The reason it is cool? I can go back to my archives and read a random post and remember exactly how I was feeling that particular day, or trace the story of our lives over these last years and stand up and say, “This is my truth. This is my story.” Writing for me has always been about making things real; I used to joke to a friend of mine that things didn’t REALLY happen unless I wrote about them, and I find that to be just as true today. To sit down and write about feelings and emotions and events, to be able to process different things, makes them real in a way that simple conversations don’t. This is part of why I journal as well-to create a record, somewhere and somehow, of my life. Is it going to matter ten years, twenty years from now? I can’t say-but I like knowing there is a written record of my life out there. Maybe someday my kids, my lover, my sisters or my friends, will pull up this blog and learn things they didn’t know about me, get a greater sense of who I was and what I thought about and how well or poorly I handled different things…or maybe after I am done, whenever that might be, it will simply gather dust and be forgotten-and I find that what happens to these words isn’t nearly as important as the writing of them is.
I am still amazingly calm today, as is the rest of the family, about CF being out. Notin the sense of,"huh. Interesting." but in the sense of it just really doesn’t matter any longer. There are all sorts of potential issues that might still come up, and I don’t know how any one of us will feel the first time ot two we see him (though I will say right here and now that if we run into him at the place we have Sunday breakfast and he ruins that for me, I will be totally pissed. Just sayin’.), but you know, it hasn’t happened yet, it might not for weeks or months, so why lose sleep over the possibility? Hannah did ask how long he had before he had to register, and I was glad that I had looked up the statutes so I could tell her (FYI-he has to have the forms filled out prior to release, and the law enforcement office has three days to get it up on the registry; if he moves to another area in this state, he has 5 days to re-register, and if he moves to another state, he has 10 days)-I imagine she will check it every day until it is up, just so she can feel that sense of satisfaction. As will I-let’s be honest here, right? But the bottom line is that we did what we set out to do, there is satisfaction in that, and we simply can’t sit around and worry about what may or may not happen in the future.
It seems fitting to post today about the minutiae of everyday life, because through everything that has gone on in our lives, these small things are the thread that binds them all together. No matter what else is going on, the day to day things don’t change. I have to go get my taxes done today, and while that is normally kind of exciting, as things change I just hope for enough left over to buy a camera to replace the one that got broken late last year. I will work and make doctor appointments for Sam (his asthma is terribly hard to control lately, so we need to head back to the asthma doc to see what we can be doing differently), an eye appointment for me, I will go to the store after work to pick up things for dinner, I will eat with my family and we will all sleep-and these little bits of normality have always been what keeps me going, moving forward.
So begins another day; I listen to the kids argue and I drink my coffee and start a load of laundry, and isn’t this where the beauty really comes from? showing up for my life on a day to day basis, writing it all down, and putting it out there. At the end of the day, it’s really all any of us can do.