Those Old Monday Blues

I have the Monday Blues.  Someone hacked into my blog AGAIN, and really screwed things up.  I have lost comments from people on the post I wrote last week about Hannah, which makes me mad because it was kind of a good one, I had to have someone help me because there were a ton of comments from spammers and she ended up having to blacklist some (so if you wrote a comment and it is gone, or if you can’t comment, email me and let me know and we can un-blacklist you), blah blah blah.  It was a not very good birthday in that all I asked for was a card from and dinner out with Steve, and I didn’t even get the fucking card, and it hurt my feelings-because I didn’t think a card was too much to ask for.  Bah.  I know we aren’t supposed to do nice things for people in expectation of something in return, but already I am thinking that next year when his birthday comes around, he will get the same thing I got this year-nothing.  Again, bah.  And yes, I know he does a lot of really nice things for me at other times, I know that he is a good man and all that-I do know that.  But still.

More than that, though, I don’t know.  I am just kind of having hard time lately, hard time doing anything or getting out of this horrible cycle.  Time to get back on the anti-depressants, I think, because I kind of think  I am losing my mind a little bit.  Maybe normal people don’t get all worked up about birthdays, maybe they don’t panic when driving home in the dark on the freeway when there is road construction, maybe they don’t get annoyed beyond all get out when the three year old can only find one each of two pairs of shoes, I don’t know.  I just find that I am struggling with finding my fucking happy place and whatever peace I had last week is just gone now.  I don’t think I used to have such a hard time getting back into the living-in-the-moment, feeling joy in spite of troubles, all that jazz, but it seems elusive and short-lasting these days, gone in an instant.

Hannah, Eli and I did get up at oh-dark-thirty and go walking this morning, which was good.  Not good to have to drag myself out of bed too early, but once I got up and we were out there walking, it was lovely.  Cold, though-we have rain and snow forecast all week and maybe that’s why I can’t get over myself, the crappy weather.  Anyway, the three of us are going to walk every morning, so it will be good to have other people to hold me accountable; I have been horribly lazy lately.  Also, we have finished with the early-morning classes for Driver’s Ed, and two more weeks of actual driving and we will be done with that, so I can back into something of a routine, and that will help.  A friend has offered Hannah some maternity clothes, so that is one less thing.  I do know this will pass, all of this, but damn, I get tired.

Monday.  Tomorrow will be a better day, I just know it.


10 thoughts on “Those Old Monday Blues

  1. I think you’re handling things impressively given how much crap you have going on. I especially think the walking will do a lot for you three individually and as a unit.

    I definitely don’t think a card is too much to ask, and I’d be feeling spiteful as all hell if it were me.
    .-= Cat´s last blog ..Boy Update =-.

  2. Wow Kori. I feel awful that I haven’t been around for so long. I can’t log into your password posts from my phone so I just decided to skip them this time. Yesterday I read your post about the new family member on the way. I don’t know what to say except that I am rooting for you, and her, and her soon-to-be daughter, and wishing all of you and the rest of your family the best possible outcome for it all.

    I will try to get some maternity clothes together for her from my family too. They are probably a wide variety of sizes and styles, but I can email you when I get it underway and find out what is and isn’t useful. I guess that’s one advantage to having lots of siblings, hehe.

    I love you, and I think I love your family too even without meeting them. You are good people. I guess you might not wish for more of the world to have the struggles you do, but I think if more people were like you guys, the world would be a deeper and better and smarter place.
    .-= S.K.´s last blog ..Day by Day =-.

  3. Even if it’s a homemade card, it’s a card and it’s something nice that shows he cares….he should have at least bought you one of the fifty cents cards at Wal-Mart (there are about 3 to choose from) or get into the scissors and paste and glue something together for you, right?!
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..One Hundred Miles =-.

  4. Hey- I completely get the card thing. Yes. I do. And we’re women so we’re like, “Is this a passive-agressive thing?” and so forth when probably he just forgot. Or something. Men operate on different systems than we do.
    But still. It’s hurtful.
    And you know what I’d say about getting back on anti-depressants. You already know.
    Love you, dear, and I wish the hackers would leave you the hell alone.
    .-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..Just A Song =-.

  5. I’m sorry, you know me, I don’t mince words, so I would be SHITTY AS FUCK if Curt didn’t get me even A CARD for my birthday! You can do a homemade dinner and light one damn candle, and make a card out of a damned NEWSPAPER if you have to, and still make birthdays special. SHIT Steve, COME ON.


    Okay, that being said, I have been super busy at work, lots of DARAAAAAAMA there so I haven’t stopped by as much, and I didn’t have your password for those PW protected posts and I didn’t want to bug you, but I am catching up. Did you see my comment about Hannah and the bebe on the way? I basically said I would be whatever you’d like me to be? Which is happy, sad, excited, angry, and whatnot, but I am super excited, not going to lie. I think that Hannah will do wonderfully, and that you will be a super awesome grandma.
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..i know i’ll rise tomorrow. =-.

  6. I take anti-depressants for anxiety issues and I decided to switch meds. The doctor suggested I might want to go off them and I just know I’m not ready. Someday, but until then I will just make myself and my husband miserable.

    I hope you are feeling better soon.
    .-= Unknown Mami´s last blog ..Sundays In My City =-.

  7. Girl, I am sorry that things are tuff right now. I wish we lived closer and could go have lunch sometime. Hang in there.

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