Ah, time to dust off the old workspace and get back into the swing of things, isn’t it? I have had my little break, and while it wasn’t intentional, it feels good to have taken a couple of weeks off from the blogging and the whole Internet in general. I can get pretty immersed in other people’s lives, and while that isn’t a bad thing at all, I can get too involved in the blog world and neglect the day to day friendships and occurrences. I am sure that a psychologist would have something to say about my intimacy issues and how I choose to avoid contact with people who might really get to know me, but since I already know this is a problem, it’s okay, right? Moving on…
Hannah got the official notice yesterday that she is “kicked out” of her young Women’s group because she is pregnant. They don’t CALL it that, of course. They call it being moved up to the adult women’s group where she will be exposed to her “new peer group,” but the reality is that they don’t want her to be a bad influence on the other young girls. Which is crazy in that there is one girl in particular who shows up at church activities drunk or stoned and they not only allow her to participate when she is using, they go out of their way to ask her to come back. Just more of the same judgemental bullshit that makes me hate most organized religions. The woman who was told to be the messenger actually said that if everyone’s “sins” were as evident as Hannah’s, they would have problems, so I was like,”So basically you are telling me that as long as the other young girls’ sins are kept secret, they can still take part in all the church activities?” She didn’t like hearing that, but since it is the truth, well, I really didn’t care.
But other than that incident, things have been pretty calm in general as of late. Hannah’s last OB appointment went well, although she still hasn’t gained any weight. However, her doctor told her that it isn’t time to worry yet, the baby is growing fine and Hannah is measuring right where she should, so if she hasn’t gained anything by NEXT month, they might start to get concerned. I personally think she is fine; I didn’t ever gain a lot of weight with my babies, either, and they all turned out fine. She does have an appointment with a dietitian through WIC next month, because of the lack of weight gain, and she is disappointed about that-but I say hey, you might get some really good information, just go and hear what she has to say.
The other three kids are all doing okay, though I feel really quite torn lately with trying to make sure they are not being overshadowed by everything going on with Hannah. Eli and I went driving together last week for an hour or so, and that was really nice; good practice for him as far as driving, and the opportunity to be together in a different environment. I sat back and let him drive wherever he wanted to go, and talk about whatever he wanted to talk about, and of all things, he brought up my marriage to his dad. The how we met, what it was like, why we got divorced discussion. It was really quite neat to have the conversation with him, because he is old enough to know how his dad is, so understood a lot of things that he maybe didn’t quite “get” before. Also thankfully, I really don’t have a lot of bad things to say about his dad; the hard feelings are long gone, so I could be honest with Eli without any kind of bitterness or choosing my words carefully.
We got Sam all registered for his first ever summer camp adventure, so that itself is exciting. He went to Seattle on his own last year to spend time with a good friend of mine, and this year it is camp-I am so grateful to be able to provide (with the help of others, of course) him with different opportunities like this. I grew up in a small town and was pretty clueless when it came to how other people lived, and I am glad he will have seen a lot of different people and lifestyles in his life.
Sam and Owen both have birthdays coming up this week, 11 and 4 respectively, and it just seems so strange to me how quickly the time has flown by, and how much they have both grown. When we went in to see Sam’s asthma/allergy doctor last week, he had gained nearly ten pounds in the three months since we first went in. For Sam, this is amazing and a very good thing; I credit the new regimen of medicines, because he isn’t having to take nearly as much of the ones that make him hyped up, and therefore he is sleeping and eating better all the way around. No less active-he is still very thin, but at least he no longer looks malnourished.
And me? I am all right. I say that with some wonderment, because for the moment I really am. I think it might have a small part to do with the anti-depressant, and also just a general sense of acceptance regarding different situations. Steve and I had to go out and get a new dryer on Friday, and I didn’t freak out nearly as much as I did when we got the fridge-progress. When the lady from the church came over, instead of completely losing it and sounding like a very angry crazy woman, I told her how I felt rationally and with very little display of how furious I actually was-progress. I have been struggling with some feelings of resentment and anger at certain people in my life, and I finally realized that no matter what their outsides look like, I am probably on the whole a much happier person than they are, which makes me realize how much more that is worth than anything material.
So-that’s the basic recap of the last couple of weeks, and I am glad to be back and warming up the writing part of my brain again. I have letters to write, people to talk to, and it looks as if my self-imposed period of isolation is finally coming to a close.