I am just sick of myself today, as I imagine some of you are sick of me as well with all the boo-hooing going on. Well, maybe not so much, but there really is more going on in my life than Steve leaving, so I am going to focus on those things today. Because I can, because I should, because life is life and therefore rather sweet even in the midst of pain.
Hannah had her OB appointment on Monday and has finally gained some weight. Six pounds last month, in fact, which is the first weight she has gained. Baby Girl is growing well, doing all of the things she needs to be doing, and Hannah is getting to the slightly uncomfortable stage, with her belly by far the biggest part of her body. I am not in denial, I am well aware that she is, in fact, pregnant, but every once in awhile I am staggered by the fact. I will catch a glimpse of her in that classic pregnancy pose with her fists pressed against her aching back, or watch her walk and it hits me anew that this little girl of mine is not, in fact, a little girl anymore. In a few short months, she is going to be a mother, and that blows me away. I will say that while I still wish this had NOT happened, I couldn’t be prouder of her right now. She is going to summer school and has taken charge of scheduling her OB and WIC appointments while inconveniencing ME as little as possible, and it says a lot about her. She is, in short, acting like an adult, which is no small thing for a 17 year old. I know some women twice her age who don’t handle themselves so well.
I received some good (great) news in that I was given an editing job, and with hope I will be successful enough at this first one that more will be sent my way. I feel grateful for and excited about the opportunity, although it is a little nerve-wracking. Thankfully, though, the woman with whom I will be working closely has said that she will go through everything with me so that I am not thrown to the wolves, so to speak, and I cannot begin to verbalize how exciting this is for me. On so many levels, this fills something in me, and I am so in love with the English language that I think this is really rather thrilling.
My good friend J. came by and had lunch with me today; as always, it was so lovely to see her. I love that she just lets me feel however I need to feel, without telling me I should be doing/feeling/thinking X,Y, or Z. She is pretty religious, so her take is that when God closes a door and all that, but I feel that way as well. And when I say she is religious, I actually mean that in the nicest, loveliest way. Hannah is going to be doing the Parish babysitting starting later this summer, and J. said,”We have a lot of experience with unwed teen moms…beginning with CHRIST’S mother!” So, of course I love that kind of attitude, and think she pretty much epitomizes what makes a good Christian, to me at least.
Also, on Monday, I received a care package from one of my good friends, which included some bath stuff and some vitamins and some of my very favorite snacks in the the world, and also a sleep shirt and a Target gift card. It was such a kind thing for her to do, and while I didn’t tell her this, it made me cry in the good way-because no matter what, there are people who love me. Which is again no small thing.
So. It’s a good day, and I am glad for that. Steve is coming to pick up Owen after work tonight, and that is hard. Hard to see him, glad for Owen that he DOES see him, hard to deal with Owen crying and crying when he leaves again. It breaks my heart, but it could be worse-at least at this point Steve is making the effort. Anyway, I am glad that I will have so many good things to focus on today, because that makes the pain easier to bear.
And with that? Another day will come to a close, and all will be well.