***My legs have a fever. I swear we were not out all that long yesterday, but long enough for the backs of my legs to get totally and painfully fried. I can feel them throbbing all the time, and it is agony to stand up AND sit down. Thanks to the powers that be that gave me something of an olive skin tone-because at least I know the pain won’t last long, and then I will tan beautifully. I do this every year my first time out, and you would think I would learn my lesson, but apparently I am a slow learner.
***I spent part of the weekend working on my first editing assignment, and maybe that would be a major downer for some, but for me? Nirvana. I am still having a hard time during the weekend hours, you see, and nights are still especially painful (all those hours to fill!), but the work gives me something to do that requires absolute focus and immersion, and I love that. Love it. Not just the time spent, but the subject matter and the idea of being part of something pretty important? It is a particular blessing to me. This is such a new thing for me, and I am afraid-but you know, I am just going to go on ahead and do it because I want to. New things, changes, are uncomfortable for me, but I remember this: years and years ago, I worked in a hospital-and my first day, I walked in and thought to myself,”Oh my god, I am never going to feel comfortable here, I am going to get lost and at some point they are going to find out that I really have no idea what I am doing and they will scream ‘FRAUD!’ at me.” But within a few weeks, it was as if I had always done that job, been in that place, and I hold that in my mind when I get afraid of the newness. Because this is an opportunity I have wanted for most of my adult life; I am just going to run with it.
***It looks like we are going to get to go on vacation after all; my dad is going to help us out, so really, all we need now is spending money. I cannot begin to tell you all how excited I am for this, even though I feel slightly slimy about my dad helping me. I mean, I worry that my sisters will be thinking,”My god, woman, can’t you get your life together? What a loser!” Intellectually I don’t think that will be the case, but sometimes I am still very much a little girl inside and I worry about what they will think of me. Still, if this is the only way we can go, so be it.
***Sam and I went to see the play Oklahoma on Saturday night with my mom and my grandma. Like so many things lately, there was bittersweet. I had to tell them about Steve, of course, and my grandma cried. That broke my heart, because she just wants so badly for me to be happy! I was able to reassure her that I am ok; not thrilled, of course, and in a lot of emotional pain, but still on the whole I am content. The play itself was good, although a little draggy in some places, but Sam really enjoyed it. He was very funny on the way home; it was incredibly late, the play didn’t get over until 10:30 and then we still had the two hour drive home. So he was talking and talking and suddenly, dead quiet-in the midst of a sentence, he fell asleep.
***We finally convinced the boss (it didn’t take a lot of convincing) to let us close the office on the 5th, since the 4th is on a Sunday. This makes me very happy, as we are hoping to take a day trip to the zoo in Idaho Falls on either Sunday or Monday. We’ll see how the finances are next week, though, before I decide for sure. Whatever we do, though, an extra day off is always something to be glad about.
***Still working on some major internal processing lately, and it has been a hard time in so many ways. Still, when it hurts, you will change things, right?
I will be back around later in the week, I promise, but in the meantime, I need a few people to guest post for me while I am on vacation. I have one person lined up already, but I need at least four more. If you are interested, shoot me an email.