Or Not

Ah, poor girl. The contractions have subsided, and when she went in to the doctor he said there has been no progress. Still at 1 cm. and her cervix isn’t effaced at all. He did strip the membranes again, and this time there was some bloody show, but all in all, nothing. She came home and cried a little bit, because she is SO uncomfortable and so ready for this baby to come out, but she napped a little while and seems in better spirits now.

So, we wait….


It is a lovely day here. In fact, it *might* be a lovely day to have a baby. Hannah has been restless and uncomfortable for several days, had some hard cramping and backaches over the weekend, and today is actually contracting. Nothing too close together yet, they are very scattered, but are definitly contractions. She has a doctor’s appointment this morning, so we will know then if she has dilated past 1 cm yet. I was joking with her this morning that it would be a very convenient time for Aubry to make an appearance, as I am already home from work from being ill. In fact, I talked to my doc this morning because I am on the mend, but not entirely well yet, and she said,”You should give it one more day before going back to work.” Again, how convenient!

Still, we all know that babies will come when they are ready, so we are all calm and not overly excited. Well-I am calm, anyway, at least at this point. She will come when it is time, and I am trusting the process. Keep Hannah in your thoughts today, and I will keep you posted.

Friday Fragments

Mommy's Idea

Today is a good day to participate in Friday Fragments; thanks to Mrs.4444 for hosting!

***It has been a crazy week on all sorts of levels.  I went to my first Al-Anon meeting on Tuesday because I am tired of being in pain and crazy.  It was good, I think.  I cried through the whole thing.  It is in many ways just like AA, but with a totally different spin, and I am glad.  I am so freaking co-dependant that it isn’t funny, and even though I know what to do and am doing it (not protecting Steve from the consequences of his drinking/decisions is number one, followed very closely by detaching), it isn’t easy and I need support.  So this is a good thing but also hard.

***I have been fighting what I thought was a cold that had turned into bronchitis for, I don’t know, a week? Plus have had terrible diarrhea for at least that long (TMI? sorry!).  On Wednesday night I fell completely apart because I just didn’t feel well and there was all this emotional shit going on, and in the middle of the night I started coughing and couldn’t stop.  As in, cough until I threw up or wet my pants, or both, with just enough time in between spasms to catch my breath and do it all over again. Called my friend/doc J. and she talked to me for a long time and listened to my symptoms and heard me coughing and she said,”Oh, you have….pertussis. There are 8 adult cases in the county right now.”  Dr. Google concurs, and I am now on some pretty major drugs, none of which seem to be helping.  I can’t talk because my throat is swollen from all the coughing, although it doesn’t hurt-a plus.  What hurts is the REST of my body, and I am so tired I can’t see straight.

***Hannah is 38 weeks pregnant today.  Her OB appt was yesterday, and she is 1 cm dilated.  Her doc stripped her membranes and she has been spending a lot of time squatting and walking, hoping to help things along a little.  Doc is quick to induce, will only give her a week past her due date before he will induce, so obviously we are hoping to prevent that from having to happen.  I keep telling her, though, not this weekend, I am in no shape to be there, and couldn’t anyway being as sick as I am.  So next week would be much better for me.  I might not FEEL great by then, but shouldn’t be contagious anymore.  We’ll see if Aubry cooperates.

***This is the kind of friends I have, though.  On Wednesday when I fell apart (I really did, I felt so bad and I was so sad that I went to lay down on the bed and just couldn’t stop crying), Hannah called my friend Jacquie for me and she and her husband came over to see what they could do.  The short answer was nothing, but them being there to love me was enough.  Jaquie picked up the kids for me last night and brought frozen pizzas for them, and that was so helpful.  My other friend (doc) J called a little while ago to make sure I was still alive, at least, and I just feel so grateful to have these people in my life.

***There is a very narrow window of time in which I can rest, between coughing spells and the short amount of time the medicine keeps them paroxysms at bay, and that time is now.  Send up good thoughts that I make it through the weekend, because right this second I don’t feel like I will!

A Note From Hannah

As many of you know, I am Kori’s daughter Hannah, and I would like to take the time to thank all of you, not only for the gifts, but also for your prayers and thoughts. I can’t even begin to express how happy I am to not only have people that love and care about me, but also Aubry and my mom. I know that while I can provide all of the love and support possible to Aubry, I also know, that I would not have been able to give her half of the wonderful gifts I got. From a diaper bag, and a Boppy, to her Moby carrier, to her Johnson’s bathtime set, none of these things would have been given or even thought of, if it had not been for the virtual baby shower, if the shower hadn’t been thrown, I wouldn’t have any of the necessary things to bring her home, ( and also stuff to help me later on). Once again, I appreciate it so very much, and I am so very grateful to know the wonderful people that care about my mom, also care about my daughter and I. Thank you all, once again not just for the gifts, but also for your prayers and thoughts, it has made me not only ready to bring her home, but to show her as she grows that there are always people that will love and care about her, no matter what. Thanks again to everyone. Love to everyone. (: Hannah.

Hannah just called me in tears-happy tears-to let me know that some of her gifts from the shower have started to arrive. There will be a more in-depth post about that another day, but for now, suffice it to say that we are feeling pretty blessed right about now.

She also went to the doctor today, as she is now at the once a week point in the pregnancy (she was 36 weeks on Friday). She told me she is either 1 cm. dilated or 1% effaced, she isn’t sure which; maybe I should be going to her next appointment with her, eh? I have to kind of laugh-this is clearly her first pregnancy, and despite her maturity level is, in fact, only 17. In her mind, she is like,”Huh? What is the difference?” So to be somewhat aware of what is really going on down there is probably in both our best interests. And can I tell you here how insanely strange this is to be talking about my daughter being dilated? Yikes.

Still and all, isn’t this proof at its most basic that life does go on? And that it can and will provide sweetness even when it seems like everything else has gone to pot? I think so. And while we all know how I have felt in the past about the situation, still, soon there will be a new baby, and that in itself is a lovely miracle.

And while we are waiting for Aubry, school will start next week, so it will be a busy time the next little while. Once again I have three kids in three different schools, and Sam hits Junior High this year. I hope he learns early to keep his mouth shut, as he tends to be a little like his mother in that he often says what he thinks without giving himself a second or two to, you know, THINK.

Mostly today, I am practicing acceptance, working on feeling however I need to feel at any given moment, and moving forward. These days come in cycles, the good and the bad, and no doubt there will be grace to keep me going.

It’s a Party!

I came home from vacation to find no Internet, the house smelling like sour milk because someone (ahem) forgot to do the dishes before she left because she was in such a hurry to get out of town, and the feeling of satisfaction from having time well spent with family. Blessed indeed.

Speaking of blessed, Ms. Moon over at Bless Our Hearts is having a little shindig over at her place today, a virtual baby shower for my sweet Hannah. Should you feel so inclined, you can head over there and see what is going on. ALSO should you feel so inclined, you could link to Ms. Moon’s blog on your own blog. I am not typically one to ask for things or whore myself out, but this is totally for my daughter, so I am strapping on my metaphorical red high heels and fishnet stockings and calling myself “Pretty Woman.” And I thank you all in advance, because I love you, and my daughter loves you, and you have all carried us through a bucketload of shit over the last years.

And now I have major work to do, at both jobs, because having no Internet has meant I have fallen behind. I have put together a photomontage of our vacation that will publish this week, but that might be it until I get caught back up again. As always, though, I know you are here, I can feel you all loving me, and I am so grateful.