I swear, guys, there is a lot going on around here besides Hannah having the baby, but it seems to occupy our minds pretty wholly these days. She had another doctor appointment this afternoon, and though she is now at 2 cm. there have been no other changes. Cervix still hard and not at all effaced, baby still not moving down at all, so the progress made is minimal. Therefore, she is scheduled for an induction next Friday, which will make her 41 weeks. We will go in on Thursday evening to get her on an IV and she will be given something to help soften her cervix overnight, and then the induction will start Friday morning. I don’t know how I feel about this. I mean, I know I don’t want her to be induced, but at the same time, it isn’t my baby or my body. Now I am simply hoping that something will happen BEFORE then and she will go on her own. Keep your fingers crossed.
In other news, today would have been Steve and I’s 5th Anniversary. It makes me so sad, you know? There have been things going in in THAT arena, with Steve I mean, and I like to think that maybe he finally hit a bottom, but-I don’t know. Not for me to say, and frankly, I have seen him at this point, or close to it, too many times to take any of his words seriously. Yes, I know he loves me. Yes, I know he made a huge mistake. Yes, I know that the hoebag new girlfriend was a mistake. Yep. However, it doesn’t really mean anything to me since she dumped him-it isn’t as if he suddenly realized how much he DOES love me and wants to be with me, it is that she didn’t want him so let’s go back to Kori. And that hurts almost more than the leaving did, because I know I am second choice. NOT a good foundation to build on, right? I don’t know. It has all been such a mess, and some good things have happened in the sense of consequences to Steve but like I said, he has been here before, and I no longer have any reason to believe this time will end up any different.
Sigh, still and all, life is life and I just keep trudging through. Today, the good news is that no matter when it happens, at least we know that in 8 more days we will have Aubry. The not so great news is that I feel like I am forever inferior and can’t believe anyone when they tell me they love me. Maybe it evens out somehow, I don’t know. But I do know that I can choose how I react to things, so today I am just going to allow myself to feel sad, and in an hour I might be happy again, and it’s all good.