It has been something of an eventful week so far at our house, if only because we have all been sharing this lovely cold that makes you feel like you are going to slowly choke to death on your own phlegm. Or maybe that’s just me. Anyway, Aubry got it, too, so poor Hannah has had to deal with being sick herself AND taking care of a sick baby. I tried to help her out a little last night by walking with her (Aubry, not Hannah), but she really just wanted her mama, and who could blame her?
I can’t believe Halloween is at the end of this week; this month has flown by, and before we know it, the holiday season will be upon us. To that end, I have already made plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day-which actually thrills me to no end, because it means I don’t have to have that panicky sick feeling when contemplating the holidays as a single person. I will be so busy with different things that I am not going to have TIME to feel lonely, I don’t think, and it is obvious that there is an abundance of people who love me, so why feel SAD? Ok, the selfish part of me is totally like shit, being single this year means no presents for me, but-you know. I imagine I will live. The funny thing is that I actually feel totally ok right this second about the holiday season fast approaching. I already know there is never enough money to give the kids the things I would like to give them, but that somehow things will be managed. I already know that the Cooking Queen friend of J’s WILL make a better, more beautiful dessert than I ever could, so I am simply not going to make a dessert. Funny, isn’t it, how perceptions can change from year to year, things that seemed (and often WERE) so terrible in years past don’t have the same kind of hold any longer?
And really, lots of things these days don’t have the same hold on me that they used to, at least right this moment. Lately, my days have been filled with moments, which is how (I think) I am supposed to view them. I have been doing thesenew morning meditations in my co-dependancy meditation book, and it is amazing how much my perspective on things has changed in just a short (relatively) amount of time! Also, I am so humbled lately by the realization that it takes a lot less effort/energy to simply let things happen as opposed to trying to micro-manage the outcome of every.blessed.thing. Choices and consequences are the nature of the beast, and the only thing I really need to do is…nothing. What a concept (and I shouldn’t have to disclaim this but I will: by ‘nothing’ I don’t REALLY mean nothing, I just mean that I am becoming more aware of what my ‘job’ is, per se)!
I just looked outside and the clouds have moved in, and it looks like it might snow. That is in the forecast for today, and for some reason it seems especially thrilling to me. The change in weather, in the seasons, the unmistakable cycle of living. The significance is not lost on me.