Friday Fragments-the Grumbly Edition

 Mommy's Idea

***Today is Hannah’s birthday! The big 18. I can’t believe that not only is she a legal adult but is also a mom. She passed her written driving test yesterday, has her driving test scheduled for tomorrow, so assuming she passes it, she will have her license on Monday afternoon. Can anyone say “Yikes!?”

***J. called and the ultrasound results were normal. Now, this is a good thing, right? Only now we don’t know what is wrong, which is kind of frustrating. VERY frustrating, because now she wants to send me to another doctor (she is an FNP, not a “real” doctor, as she says), and then he will *try* to figure out what the deal is. I hate these things, and I know myself; I know that if I am feeling better by Monday I won’t go. For one thing, I don’t have the money for all sorts of tests to rule things out. For another, if the ultrasound was normal, what is the point? I feel like the implication is that it is all in my head, and I am NOT going to go to another doctor and pay him to tell me he doesn’t know what is wrong.

***I still feel grouchy these days, and I am not sure I can pin-point exactly what is wrong. Maybe lots of things all together, with Christmas coming up and all these mounting fears, I don’t know. I just don’t like where I am right now, emotionally. Seems like I am barely keeping my head above water on all fronts, and I am not entirely sure why. I know that happiness is a choice, meaning I can choose how to react to certain things and change my perspective and all of that, but fuck oh dear, why does it have to be so hard to do that?

***I know that some funny, good things happened over the week, but I am damned if I can remember a single one. On top of everything, perhaps I really am losing my mind?

For more (hopefully) lighthearted Friday Fragments, check out Half Past Kissin’ time.  There are bound to be some better ones, I am sure of it!

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18 thoughts on “Friday Fragments-the Grumbly Edition

  1. Hang in there. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer this pregnancy and have gone in for more ultrasounds than I can count. Sometimes I wonder what’s the point because there isn’t anything they can do anyway.

    Just be kind to yourself. Sending you positive thoughts.

  2. My oldest will be 18 in March….I can’t believe it! I was a Mom at 19, I’m so not ready to be a grandma though…hopefully I have a few more years to wait on that.
    Not being grouchy is frequently an effort for me. I hate that, I wish I was naturally cheerful. But that’s just not me.

  3. returning the flavor of a comment on my FF post. Thanks – first time here – it sounds like life is not being too great for you at the moment.
    I’m going to take a chance and throw some unsolicited advice your way. Read this column by Mary Schmich. In it she said,”What feels like manure often turns out to be fertilizer.”
    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-met-schmich-1121-20101121,0,866783.column

    and if you don’t care for any advice from a stranger that’s OK too
    all the best

  4. I’m sorry that you don’t have a resolution yet– that is SO frustrating. The (future) RN in me is telling you to go because you need those tests to be sure (and you can always do a payment plan or something like that) but the regular sick person in me says do what you feel is best.

    Either way, lots of prayers coming your way!
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH!
    xo

  5. I’m sorry you’re in pain- and it totally blows that they can’t figure out what’s wrong yet. Hopefully you’ll get a good referral to someone who can really help.

    Happy birthday Hannah!

    I get the feeling when your health improves your grumpiness might as well- there’s nothing like chronic pain to screw up your mood.

  6. Fuck, oh dear is right.
    I am no Buddhist master and neither are you. Of COURSE our feelings are strong and hard to control. (Impossible.)
    Congratulations and happy birthday to our dear Hannah and to you, her mama.
    And honey, pain like that is NOT in your mind. Just sayin’…..

  7. You’re funny.

    I embrace holistic methods of healing the body, but not holistic methods of diagnosing. Maybe that’s contradictory, but it is what it is.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HANNAH!! 🙂

  8. I’ve been so cranky too, I totally blame it on the holidays. I don’t find them much fun. Not because of personal loss, simply because they are so exhausting…and no fun!

  9. I used to have pain that started with my mind, but ended with real infections. Which needed to be treated with medicine. So perhaps see that doctor anyway? It’s one thing trying to meditate in the future, but it may be necessary to get the treatment right now.

  10. Wow… 18 and a drivers license and mom. It’s amazing what she can do now. Although I will say that with baby on the brain, I kept thinking the ultrasound was for a baby of YOURS. Brain is working slowly, but it’s now caught up….

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