I have been lurking around blog land, reading the retrospective posts and the Christmas recaps and all of the stuff in between, and I realize that I simply have nothing worthwhile to add. Funny thing about this place, the Internet, is that it is all fleeting and somehow unreal, and when you disappear no one notices. Therefore, I feel no real need to spend the time and energy going through my archives posting links to things I have already said, because if you read my blog, well, hearing it once was enough, right?  In my life, in the last year, people have been born, people have died, I have gone to work and done my job and gone home to do my work there. My children have gotten up and gone to school, they have learned some hard lessons, they have lived life. We have had birthdays and celebrations, we experienced sadness and heartbreak and despair, and have also experienced joy and beauty. In short, the last year has been spent living, and I imagine this new year will be much the same. I have no resolutions, have no grand plans, but instead imagine I will keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other. Not such a bad way to live.

I am not sure what direction this blog is going to take, or if it is going to take any direction at all. So many people in my real life read this that I feel filtered lately, like there are too many things I can’t write about, so I am not sure how to manage that.  Also, there are of course the feelings of inadequacy, the things I struggle with all the time anyway but that seem magnified the last year. I mean, I can’t write about my drinking life with grace and beauty (since my drinking life HAD no grace and beauty), therefore I won’t ever get a book deal or TV appearance because of it. When I write about my bouts with depression, it just sounds whiny and pathetic. My brief foray into editing resulted not in more jobs but in absolute and complete rejection. And sure, all these things are external, but they still feel like failures because it feels a lot like someone else gets to live my dream, and I don’t even get a bit part.

Sigh…it very well may have been a better idea to simply not post again today, right? Maybe tomorrow something inspirational or moving or even interesting will strike me, or maybe I just won’t write anymore. Who knows? Not me, at this point. And for today, well, I think I will just continue doing what I have been doing, and see what happens.

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15 thoughts on “

  1. I feel ya. Simple as that. I’ve had two completely opposite things running through my head lately…blog more and don’t blog at all. And I can’t even find middle ground there anymore. I feel like I’m half-assing it when I do blog and when I don’t I feel like I should be blogging. Weird.

    I hope your 2011 is amazing.

  2. Please don’t stop blogging! I love reading your REAL stuff. The good, the bad and the ugly. We all have it and you have helped me a ton!
    Be who you are and keep putting one step in front of the other!
    Happy New Years!

  3. people are shady like that– BLOGGING is shady like that. which is why i just do it for me now, and i have found it so much more rewarding. just do it when YOU want to write. no pressure, whatsoever.

    hope you have a good 2011!

  4. Still good to hear from you anyway. After all, life is what happens in between the big moments. I think you may have been the one who pointed that out to me. I hope the new year brings you some quietness and peace, and a break from all the things you need to vent about here. 🙂

  5. It’s intimidating when you see the big bloggers, the ones who’ve received book deals and the ones who are shared on everyone’s facebook links. Who would want to read about little ol’ me and my day to day mundane crap when they can go to the next blog and read something inspiring or controversial or whatever? WHY?

    Because we like to share. We find commonality in our mundane crap. It’s the water cooler conversation and the chit chat over the cubicle wall. It’s the chatter between two women standing in their backyards hanging their laundry fifty years ago.

    The truth is, people who have extraordinary things to say are frequently coloring the truth or are hiding their dull-grey-socks lives or both. We can’t all be on point all the time and even the dullards out there have extraordinary things going on. It’s just all in the telling.

    I don’t know about anyone else following you, but you’re in my list because I enjoyed your format, your writing, and your humor. I vote that you keep on posting.

  6. Oooh, I relate to this. I would certainly blog differently and more therapeutically if I knew that all who read were not connected by blood or daily life.

    Sending you a hug for the New Year’s blahs. I enjoy reading you, Kori.

  7. You know, Kori, I have been thinking about you and wondering where you’d gone. I figured that you were busy because hell- you have a very, very busy life. And that you would be back when you felt as if you had something you wanted to share.
    Blogging is like any writing- you do it because you want to- hardly ever for the money or fame. Okay, never for the fame. If you want to do it, you will, if you don’t feel compelled- why bother?
    But just so you know- when you do post here, I read it and I’m glad to hear whatever you have to say. Good, bad, sad, happy, whatever.
    Because that’s life. Your life.
    Love…Ms. Moon

  8. I hope you don’t stop blogging, but having moved to a new site myself, I can understand the feeling of filtering yourself.

    I also hope that whatever you decide, you are happy in your decision and do it for you.

  9. Sometimes I think you forget that what you define as grace and beauty for yourself and what, well, I define it as for you are two completely different things. I vote more typing, less analyzing. 🙂

  10. I know that feeling, especially with people you in-person know reading. For me blogging was very therapeutic when things were bad, and now it’s more of a way to keep up with the community of people I’ve met over the internet. I hope you stick around but if you don’t, you can be damn sure I’ll be tracking you down for updates.

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