I have been trying to put my finger on what I have been feeling lately, and I finally realized I am just plain grouchy. No underlying depression, nothing unusually traumatic has happened, I am just feeling really, well, bitchy. Maybe because it is cold, maybe because what thrill there was at Christmas (I got a Kindle from Amazon and I didn’t fight with my mom AT ALL!) is gone and I re-realize how broke I am, whatever it is, I am pretty sure if you  could see how mean I feel in my heart you would run away screaming.  Yesterday morning when I stopped at the smoke shop, there was a shifty little man wearing dark glasses, lurking in the corner and ogling the porn magazines. At 7:15 am! So I pointedly looked at him as if memorizing his features for his inevitable appearance on Crime Stoppers, and felt vindicated when he lowered his head and left the store. No secret that I think porn is evil, but it is (kind of) unlike me to deliberately embarrass someone caught looking at it (at 7:15! In the morning!). Then, there is a man who parks at the neighboring business in such a way that he has to drive over the sidewalk to get back to the street-because every day someone comes in and parks behind him. I don’t know why this annoys me, other than the fact that it is, you know, a sidewalk. So, because it does annoy me, I pull into the parking space directly in front of the sidewalk he runs over, just to be a bitch. And I secretly laugh every time I see him come out of the business and grumble.

Eli was asking me a couple of days ago whether I had made any resolutions for The! New! Year!  The question itself was rather surprising; it was 7:00 at night and I was already in my pajamas, robe, and yes, slippers, eating ice cream and reading. If I smoked in the house I would have had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, too; do I look like a person who made resolutions? So I thought about it for a minute and said yes, I did. I resolved to keep getting out of bed every morning, and not try not to get fired from my job. He in turn thought about it for a minute and said,”Um, might either of those things be, you know, a problem?”  I thought to myself, buddy, there ARE those days.

I digress, not that any of this has a point. I am feeling the post-holiday-it’s fucking-cold blues, I think. My mind has been filled with these crazy, unreasonable fears, I have been feeling a little like I am losing my mind, and if I could, I would simply stay in bed for the next month or so. I might even go buy a Snuggie, since they are on clearance now. Anyone else feeling the weight of winter? As soon as it is over 20 degrees here, I can go out and walk at lunch again, clear my head, something, but for now, I think I will just try to keep from harming anyone.


15 thoughts on “

  1. I don’t think my winter doldrums are as bad as they would be if I lived in a cold climate, but I am feeling kinda blech. I think mine has a lot to do with feeling equally bored.

  2. I feel you. Lately, I have been the same way– I am on a 3 month leave from work and honestly, I thought I’d be ecstatic to be away from work but I am crawling out of my skin alone and there is only so much organizing you can do yanno?

    COME ON SPRING. (ha, I know, it’s only Jan.)

  3. I’m feeling grouchy as well…and I can’t put my finger on why. It’s actually funny because I just finished writing a fairly negative post and popped over to my dashboard and saw a blip of your blog today and thought it must be fate! We are fated to be grouchy together! 🙂

    (I took a pregnancy test because I felt I was a bit too emotional AND pissy AND my sense of smell has been extraordinarily strong today. It was negative…so, there’s only me to blame. lol)

  4. Honestly, I really do think this is going around. I’m not just saying that. I can’t figure out what is wrong lately but everyone I know seems to be having mental breakdown issues lately. Even the ones who don’t celebrate the holidays. And I have been an inexcusable bitch lately, without good reason, and can’t seem to break out of the funk.

    Maybe it has to do with the same reason the birds are dying….. Lol just kidding.

  5. We are kindred spirits in the I’m-Going-to-Mess-With-Your-Rule-Breaking-Idiot-Self, You-Dumbass kind of way. I cackled right along with you 🙂

    Winter’s a bitch.

  6. “do I look like a person who made resolutions?” Love it. Winter sucks. I started taking vitamin D, it seems to help a bit with the blahs or grumpiness or whatever it is winter brings now that I live somewhere where it’s a pain in the butt to go outside 4-6 months a year.

  7. I know this is not meant to be funny, however you made me chuckle a little. I wish we lived closer. We would so get along.
    Have you been exercising? I was feeling depressed last week and “made” myself go to the gym and it was amazing how good I felt.
    *hang in there*

  8. I just wanted to pop in and say hi-I’ve been so behind on all my blogging, both reading and writing. I didn’t realize how behind until I came over here and started seeing all the pictures of Aubry…who was not yet born last time I was here! What a beautiful girl!

    So…congratulations on having a beautiful new baby girl in your life, screw Kmart!, so sorry to hear about the passing of your friends, congratulations on your 11 years, happy 18th birthday Hannah!, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I think your resolutions are perfect.

    Maybe you’re grumpy because you’ve had a lot of stuff to process lately-both good and bad-and I have a theory that that much processing makes your brain grumpy. Or it could just be cabin fever. 🙂 Anyway, hope it warms up for you soon and you are able to get outside and move around a little.

  9. I really hope things are better for you but I can totally relate the cabin fever and the winter blues. We just got our first snuggie and once we can pry it away from the basset we love it. Hang in there and today the weather was warmer but the all day rain didn’t help.

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