***Today is a better day than yesterday, that is for damn sure. Not because anything has changed in terms of circumstances, but because I have. It’s just money. And while it’s not as if I have so much extra that this isn’t going to be a burden (of course it is going to be),it’s that I can spend a whole lot of time and energy being upset about it, but it sure doesn’t change the fact. There are moments, and I know well that there will be other moments, but I know this: the more upset and angry I get, the more HE has control over my life. And didn’t I divorce the dude so he would no longer have control of my life? At least in part?
***I have to add that part of my changed view this morning has to do with the realization that I am not alone in this. While it isn’t as if Steve is raking in the big bucks either, I am not the SOLE provider of all four kids. And that makes it easier to bear.
***I am not typically one to praise my own looks, but I have to say I look kind of cute these days. Because this time, my belly is poking out in front and up high, and my ass hasn’t gotten any bigger yet. I have passed the “Is she pregnant or just fat?” stage, and that makes me happy. I am slightly alarmed at how obviously pregnant I am for just over five months though; I may develop whale-like proportions.
***My second dress arrived last night, and at least I don’t hate it. I did not get a maternity one this time, just a bigger size, and that was the trick. It will need some altering (for the first time in years, my boobs are not the biggest part on my body!), in the bodice and length, but I think it will work just fine. While I don’t looooove it, I might come to after it fits properly. It’s all good.
***Several times this week, we have gotten calls from a mortgagee to verify insurance. This particualr company must have recently outsourced this bit of business to India, becuase I can hardly understand them. And it annoys me to no end. When you pick up the phone, there is a long hiss before the person actually speaks, and I sit there and say “Hello? Hello?” feeling like an idiot. And then I hang up just as they start to talk, so they have to call back and start the whole cycle over. So frustrating for everyone involved.
***In case anyone may have doubted it because I don’t talk about her much, I adore that little grandbaby of mine. She is so precious I want to eat her, I really do. Want to know what the most amazing thing is? She seems to feel the same way about me. She is a tiny little thing, her dad and mom both being rather petite individuals, but she has got sumo wrestler thighs and a double chin in spite of her tininess. Cracks me up. And I have never seen a baby nurse the way she does, on her knees with a hand on either side of Hannah’s breast. Kills me every time.
There were a whole bunch of other things swirling around in my head this morning, but I can’t remember what the rest of them were. Check out Mrs.4444 for other fragmenters with better memories!