I made it to AA on Friday, which is only the second time I have been there since Josie was born. She cries, you know, which has made it a little difficult to leave the house after, say, 6:00. Last time I went, she did pretty ok until about 9:00 but then cried and cried and cried…this time we made it until not quite nine before having to leave. I think it bothers me more than it does other people, really. I mean, when others have their kids there, it doesn’t bother ME at all, so it stands to reason that other people feel the same way. For me, when I need a meeting, I need one-whether I have my kids with me or not. Still, once Josie gets on a roll, it’s pretty hard for me to concentrate and I am SURE hard for other people to even hear what someone is saying.
Which isn’t my point. My point was that I was able to go, and it is always so good to be there. I have a lot of support from a lot of people in my life, and most of them are members of my AA group. I had forgotten how much they love me and mine, though. One of the guys wanted to hold Josie right first thing, so he burped her and loved on he and really, she was the belle of the ball. This meeting in particular, these people in particular, have loved me through a lot of shit in my life, and it feels like home whether it’s been a week or 6 months since I have made it to a meeting. Sam took his first steps at an AA meeting, Owen went to every meeting with me until he got way too mobile and noisy, and I imagine it will be the same with Josie. I have no problem taking my kids to meetings with me; it never hurts to have a large group of people who know and love them, and I like that they know where to go if they get in trouble with drinking.
I try to live my AA program daily, do what I need to do to maintain my spiritual health on a daily basis, but my thoughts really turn to my history and the progress I have made at this time of year…I have a sober birthday coming up this month, and it always takes me back to where I was when I got here. The difference is nothing short of a miracle. I think that a lot, how amazing it is to be where I am, even if I am not where I should be a lot of the time. On Friday, I was looking around at the people there and I while I don’t like all of them, I have so much respect for everyone who can manage to put together a DAY sober. We are all pretty amazing people for that alone.
So this is where I am today, feeling really grateful and loved. I always need the reminder that there are people who love me AND people who call me on my shit, need to remember where I cam from, where I am, and how far I still have to go. I feel so humbled and glad to be here, in this life, because it so easily could have gone the other way for me. If I have gratitude and acceptance, I am pretty sure I can make it through one more day.