It’s a Sunday evening and I feel like Ms. Moon and her Church of the Batshit Crazy only without the eloquence. Josie has been so sick, like the doctor saying “In case she has to go to the hospital “sick… and she is getting better but I am just so tired. I just got back from picking Eli up from his weekend stay in Juvie for his poor grades, Hannah is mad at me because I told her to stop being selfish about something.Steve says “Josie doesn’t even LIKE me!” but it isn’t that, it is just that she is sick and wants her nursies and her mama and more nursies, and I feel a little at the end of my rope.

It isn’t any easier for me to be the one she wants all the time, especially while she has been so sick. I have tried two different slings and I hate both of them, can’t get the hang of it at all, so I end up carrying her around and doing things with one hand. I have all this time now that I am home, in theory, and I feel like such a failure because I just can’t get anything DONE. I have placed all of these expectations on myself and it’s all based on how I think things *should* be and I feel like since I AM home I shouldn’t have to ask for help. Some days though, when she has been especially needy and fussy, all I want is an hour, you know?

Sigh…I am ok, and this is all okay, and it’s all part of this life, this life that I love, you know? I am typing this with a crying baby on my lap and Steve is making dinner, four of the five kids are here and I am grateful for all of it, even when I feel at the end of my rope and crazy.


5 thoughts on “

  1. I don’t see how you can get anything accomplished with a sick baby. They want/need so much attention. When my kids were babies and sick, I always felt like I had a good day if I could get a shower. I hope Josie is feeling better very soon. Hang in there.

  2. Oh my God, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. My kids are REALLY Mom-centric, and sometimes all I want is for them to just be okay with Daddy doing it. I’m glad Josie’s feeling better- Danny’s been sick too and Friday night I never made it to bed and spent the hours I did sleep on the couch and in Sam’s bed. Hopefully this week brings rest for all of us.

  3. Dropping in almost one month later … just to check in with you and procrastinate the things I am trying to accomplish. Sounds like your hands have been overwhelmingly full too, in these months. So rather than slip away again, I thought I would say hi and tell you that I am thinking about you. I hope things are okay, that your baby is feeling much better, that your son is finding a better path. Two really intense times in life hitting you at once, wow. And everything in between.

    Hopefully you’ve gotten an hour here and there since this post. That never-ending demand of a sick baby on mom takes my breath away even just thinking about it.

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