A funny thing about working from home is that it is, in fact, working. I am not sure why this fact might have escaped me when I was just thinking about it and rolling the idea around in my head, but there it is, glaring me in the face. Please understand, I am not complaining. I am extremely happy to be getting paid work, however minimal an amount it might be to start out with. I am so grateful to be able to be home with my kids, to be able to watch Josie grow and change, to be here to get the boys off to school AND be home when they get back. I love being able to shuffle around in my slippers all day long and stop to do a load of dishes or nurse the baby or play a game.
However, I am having a hard time with this thing called time-management. Oh, and another thing called obsession. Actually the two go together in this instance rather perfectly. See, I have to watch myself pretty closely or I definitely have workaholic tendencies;it is so easy for me to get in the mindset that because I am doing it from home, it isn’t really hurting anything/anyone if I am working all day. Several times already I have had to remind myself that the point of being home is actually to BE here, to be present for my kids and my husband in a way I wasn’t able to before. I have had to remember that it is okay for me to not accept work if I don’t truly want to do it, and to try to set aside specific blocks of time in which to work. Right now, this has often meant staying up long past everyone else at night, but I do know that can’t continue; I miss going to bed with my husband, for one thing, and ever since I quit drinking I am NOT a night owl.
But let me tell you, even though it is a big change (especially for someone who abhors change), even though there is no real workable routine in place as of yet, even though it is requiring more flexibility than is necessarily comfortable for me, well, I am enjoying the hell out of it all. Being at home with the kids has been lovely in thousands of ways, but now that Josie is getting bigger and so much more mellow than she has been for the past, oh, 14 months (thank you jebus!), it feels really good and important to be taking steps toward my non-kid life. And I am ever aware of how lucky I am to be able to finally begin to do wha I love AND get paid for it.